Will your relationship stand the test of time? A recent scientific study may have the answer.
In a TikTok with over 149,000 views, Doug Dahl, the creator of the app In A Pod (@in.a.pod.ai), reveals the science-backed key to what keeps a couple together long.
In a Pod is a “personalized, on demand, judgement-free” relationship coach app that offers science-based relationship advice.
“Science can predict if you’ll stay happy in a long-term relationship,” Dahl begins.
He explains that a study of over 2,000 couples aged 16 to 91 revealed to researchers that there are two types of couples. One type of couple ignores their relationship problems, reasoning that silence and avoidance of conflict will make it go away. The other type of couple addresses issues quickly as they arise.
“[This couple] fights, but the crazy part is their fights actually make their relationship stronger,” Dahl reasons. “The happiest couples long term aren’t the ones who have the fewest problems; it’s the ones that address their problems the quickest.”
As the video ends, he shares one more piece of advice for couples. “It might be tough in the moment, but having that hard conversation will save your relationship in the long run.”
Viewers weigh in
In the comments section, viewers shared their own testimonies of how healthily and swiftly handling conflict has been key to the success of their relationships.
“Me and my fiance have never yelled at each other. But we disagree…often. We just talk it out. I’m such a lucky man to have a woman that doesn’t want to hurt me in a disagreement. We want answers,” shared one viewer.
“I’ve definitely been on both sides of this. I’m so happy that I’m comfortable and able to have tough conversations with my significant other in a calm manner,” a second person chimed in.
“My boyfriend and I get annoyed with each other but we talk about the things that bother us. We frame it as us vs. a problem, not you vs. me because we’re too worried we’ll hurt the other person,” added a third viewer.
“Very true! My husband grew up in a household where they never fought and his dad left via note on the kitchen table one day. We fight and talk it through and we are stronger than ever,” yet another viewer reacted.
What is the study?
The study referenced in Dahl’s video is a recent study by Drs. Janina Larissa Bühler and Ulrich Orth entitled “How relationship satisfaction changes within and cross romantic relationships: Evidence from a long longitudinal study.”
Of their many findings, one interestingly suggests that people in dissolving relationships (that is, relationships that do not last long term) tend to show stronger declines in relationship satisfaction than people who are in continuing relationships (relationships that do last long term.) The lower satisfaction is not just at the end of their dissolving relationship but also at the beginning.
“This means that relationships that will be dissolved may already show warning signs early on, likely because of the personality characteristics and the interaction patterns of both partners,” Bühler explained in a Psychology Today article on the subject.
Is a new partner the key to long-term happiness?
The study also found that when people separate and begin a relationship with a new partner, they tend to be happier at the beginning of the new relationship than they were in the previous one. But, the study suggests that happiness decreases over time as well.
“Although we might anticipate being more satisfied in a new relationship—and although this is often true at the beginning of this new relationship—each relationship comes with a decline in satisfaction. This, in turn, suggests that it might be better to focus on relationship work, rather than jumping from one relationship to another,” Bühler further advises.
In a message to the Daily Dot, Dahl shared the following statement:
“‘In a Pod’ is an AI relationship coach that helps couples strengthen their bond by guiding them through real-life conversations. I created the app to give people a powerful, accessible resource to strengthen their connections with their loved ones, and I’m creating content on relationship science for the same reason.“
@in.a.pod.ai How does science know if you’ll stay happy and together in a long term relationship?#creatorsearchinsights ♬ original sound – In a Pod
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