Most Americans haven’t been isolated due to the coronavirus for long, but it’s already starting to wear. People are hunting for ways to entertain themselves at home, sometimes with no company but their own to keep them going. Rogen’s brilliant solution may only have a runtime of an hour and 50 minutes, but the resulting tweets will last far longer.
“I’m pretty stoned and watching Cats,” Rogen’s tweetstorm begins. “I’ve never seen the broadway show. It is truly trippy. Am I supposed to know what a Jellicle is? They’ve said it 200,000 times but I don’t know what’s happening.”
Rogen is not alone in wondering what exactly a “jellicle” is. The word was brought to us by T. S. Eliot, who described jellicles as typically scruffy, nocturnal cats with black-and-white markings.
Rogen’s tweeting only got better from there. He made note of several of the stranger moments in the early scenes of the film, like cat school, cats in pants, and the unnerving size of felines in the film’s cinematic world.
“Judi Dench is in a cat fur coat which I can only assume is socially APPALLING in this world,” Rogen continued, before hammering down on the question that apparently haunted his entire viewing experience. “WHAT IS JELLICLE?!!?”
Rogen’s disconnected thoughts and observations feel spot-on. Clearly, getting stoned before watching Cats should be the officially recommended way to enjoy the film. In no time, Rogen was reflecting on feline footwear. “These cats are straight up wearing white chuck taylors,” he said. “Did they commission little chucks from the cat shoe maker?”
The milk bar also gave him pause. “Is the milk bar for humans,” he wondered. “For cats? Is this in Clockwork Orange world? Huh?”
According to Rogen, cat-Judi Dench “looks the most cuddly.” It’s unclear why.
Ian McKellen’s normal, human fingers threw Rogen for a momentary loop, but he quickly moved past it. Soon, he was imagining the directorial process for a film entirely focused on cats.
Thanks to Idris Elba’s status as an icon—and likely due in part to his recent COVID-19 diagnosis—Rogen left him out of the mockery. “Out of respect, I’ll leave Idris out of all this,” he wrote.
Finally, just under an hour in, Rogen threw in the towel. “Alright I’m turning this off and watching 90 day fiancé. Good night. Stay clean as fuck,” he wrote.
Unfortunately, it appears that Rogen never made it through the rest of the film. He did later demand that the studio release the rumored version of the film that featured buttholes.
If his demands are met, however, we may see another late-night tweetstorm from the comedic actor. And if the studio does, in fact, “release the Butthole Cut of Cats,” we may be able to convince Rogen to actually finish the movie.
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