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Ever since Seinfeld went off the air in May 1998, there’s been a void in our cringeworthy humor landscape. Parody Twitter accounts Modern Seinfeld and Seinfeld 2000 have delighted fans with imagined plots where Elaine, Jerry, Kramer and George fumble with technology, social media and other contemporary dilemmas.
But no one has ever dared to tackle the cringeworthiest joke of all: What if the gang had to live through September 11th?
Comedian Billy Domineau has written a full-length Seinfeld spec script. It’s about September 11th. It’s cringeworthy as hell. And it’s completely hilarious.
Domineau, who has shared the script with the world via Google Drive, also posted it to Facebook, where he announced: “I’ve written a Seinfeld spec script. It’s called The Twin Towers. Yep. It’s a 9/11 episode. This is what I do with my time now. Please join me on this journey deep into the subconscious of the multi-cam sitcom.”
Domineau told the Comic’s Comic that the spec script was inspired when he was trying to help a friend channel distasteful humor to improve a comedic sketch.
“I was helping someone write a sketch a few months back and told them theirs needed to be an exercise in bad taste, ‘Like imagine if there was a 9/11 episode of Seinfeld…wait a minute,'” Domineau explained.
So why is Domineau now releasing this behemoth of bad taste into the world? “Now because I finished it,” he said.
Seems about right.
The script itself is pitch-perfect. Elaine thinks she’s lucked out when a beau she was planning to break up with dies in the disaster, but her luck runs out when he gets pulled from the rubble. George gets in a spat with firefighters about how lucky they are to have some “excitement” in their lives, and jumps at the opportunity to masquerade as a hero. And Kramer discovers that one of the terrorists borrowed and used his box-cutter in the attack! His best box-cutter! He really wants his box-cutter back!
It’s horrifying. It’s horrible. It’s glorious. And you must read it.
Nayomi Reghay is a frequent contributor to the Daily Dot, covering body positivity, feminism, sex, relationships, and gender. She is also the author of the advice column “Swipe This!” A former New York Teaching Fellow, her writing has been featured in Reductress, Rolling Stone, Mic, Someecards, and more.