“Of course you do, you’re twelve” is the internet’s new favorite way to explain American behavior

A new theory on why Americans are like that grew into a meme that the left is now using to mock right-wing accounts like Homeland Security. The idea is simple—everyone in the U.S., especially those who espouse conservative values, is basically 12 years old.

Who else but a 12-year-old is obsessed with big trucks and fighter planes, wants to sleep in indoor tents, and thinks vegetables are gay?

What is the “you’re twelve” theory?

The meme seed was planted on the Bluesky account of Patrick Cosmos (@veryimportant.lawyer‬) on Sept. 7, 2025. This lawyer and/or musician proposed an explanation for why the U.S. has devolved into immature displays of strength and petty sniping, even or especially at the highest levels of government.

In a pretty viral post for Bluesky, he wrote, “working on a new unified theory of american reality i’m calling ‘everyone is twelve now.’”

“’I’m strong and I want to have like fifty kids and a farm’ of course you do. You’re twelve. ‘I don’t want to eat vegetables I think steak and French fries is the only meal’ hell yeah homie you’re twelve. ‘Maybe if there’s crime we should just send the army’ bless your heart my twelve year old buddy.”

Other users caught on fast, adding their own examples of 12-year-old thought that could also apply to a certain 79-year-old man.

“That girl didn’t want to go out with me. One day I will be powerful and will control her life!” wrote @sckazinski.bsky.social‬.

“I wanna get on the roof and walk around,” offered @leena.reuben.games‬.

Remember when President Donald Trump was randomly on the White House roof? That was a day.

“Of course you do, you’re twelve” becomes a meme

It took over six weeks for the theory to catch on and spread to X, but once it did, it reached meme status with the speed of an F-35. User @jjellisart is particularly dedicated to spreading it, especially with those cringe posts by accounts related to the Department of Defense or whatever it’s called these days.

“You wanna do a ride-along in the backseat of a big plane and cosplay being a pilot? Of course you do, you’re twelve,” he said in response to a video of Pete Hegseth in a fighter jet.

“You wanna dress up like a knight and play swords? Of course you do, you’re twelve,” he tweeted to a Homeland Security post with some AI-generated knights standing around.

The meme can apply to many outside of the current administration, including certain tech billionaires.

“Of course you want to sleep in a tent inside. You’re 12!” @mcmansionhell wrote to mock a post suggesting that Grok workers having to sleep in the office is a good thing.

In response to another very fake post about the “Hyperloop” project that died before it began in 2023, @THLNKLGN said they “cannot stop thinking about that ‘of course you do. you’re twelve’ tweet like wow.”

“‘Goo goo ga gaa I hate eating my vegetables,’” joked @LilithLovett in response to a tweet about burger toppings. “Of course you do, you’re twelve.”

The Daily Dot has reached out to Patrick Cosmos for comment via Bluesky.

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