From small lies to agreeableness, these 16 relationship red flags that should never be ignored

Redditors are dishing on the red flags they initially ignored in relationships and came to regret, and the responses couldn’t be more relatable.

It’s so much easier to look back at failed relationships after the fact and point out all the warning signs. In theory, experiencing those moments is an opportunity to learn from them and react sooner in the future. Sometimes the best opportunities, though, are the ones where we get to learn from the mistakes made by others so we don’t have to go through the heartache and drama ourselves at all.

Fortunately, Redditors recently chimed in with some of the relationship red flags they experienced firsthand, so that hopefully other people can sidestep them entirely. Any of these sound familiar?

1. Fake agreeableness

“Extraordinary agreeableness during relationship talks, but their actionsare slowly skewing away from them so I barely noticed.” —u/Geanu12

2. No boundaries

“When he wouldn’t let me break up with him. I ran into some deal breakers, and I told him it wasn’t going to work out. He wouldn’t leave or accept that. At first, it felt like he really liked me, but in retrospect, he didn’t respect boundaries.” —u/bannedbooks123

3. Cheating

“Cheating. I didn’t want it to end, so I made it work for another half-decade. I now have the self-respect not to make that mistake again. I hadn’t alleviated myself fully of my ‘desperation.’” —u/Arkavari1

4. Being an asshole

“She said she was an ‘asshole’ don’t date self-proclaimed assholes guys.” —u/DeadSun222

5. Avoidance

“No repair after conflict. Being upset and then moving on after a few days. No acknowledgment or conversation or action to repair.” —u/infjnyc

6. One-sided effort

“Always being the one to prop up the relationship. To initiate contact, to plan the dates, to follow up on details, to bring up issues, to be the one coming up with ideas to “fix” said problems. I spent my best years in one-sided relationships, because as soon as I stopped doing these things, the relationships fell apart and they moved on to the next ride.” —u/craptasticallyyours

7. Disrespect

“Disrespect (verbally). I now leave at the first instance of it.” —u/Icy-Whale-2253

8. Secrecy

“Dated someone who, whenever they got a text, would kind of shield their phone in this secretive way. Like, I wasn’t suspicious until you started doing that. You would never guess, but they were a giant piece of s***.” —u/babylex69

9. Lack of attention

“Ignoring calls and long response times (text).” —u/Top_Olive_8743

10. Being controlling

“The demand that I text him/frequent texting. Couldn’t hang out with my family at dinner, and I couldn’t have my vacation with my friend. Sooner or later, I had no friends. He demanded all of my attention. Wish I paid attention to that more – I knew it was a red flag, but in my naïveté, I said ‘aww he’s just misunderstood.’” —u/Wise_N_Wild

11. Entitlement

“He immediately felt entitled to my things. It started out small, with stuff that was so petty it would have seemed ridiculous to care about. Like when he threw away an old pair of Adidas slides that I kept by the door to run outside real quick. Okay, it seems reasonable. They were old, but I was pregnant, and it was nice to have something to slide on without bending over. Then he helped himself to my nice cloth reusable shopping bags for clothes, to gather things with dirt on them from his garden. My sealable ceramic jar for coffee became his countertop compost bin. This DID NOT go both ways, everything of his was “sentimental” and not for common use.” —u/Artemis_Dragon

12. Tantrums

“Tantrums, stewing in anger for days with no communication, and escalating conflict. I overlooked these at first because the incidents were not that frequent (once every few months) and most of the other times were fun and normal.” —u/hsydurn

13. Lies

“The small lies in the beginning of the relationship.” —u/Nammolb

14. Playing the victim

“Never admitting they are in the wrong, victimizing themselves when you call them out for hurting you” —u/at0micsub

15. Unkindness

“Unkindness to others and never making me feel adored or cherished. I should have known the unkindness would be directed at me sooner or later, and I shouldn’t have let myself accept someone who was fond of me rather than who delighted in me. Hard-won lessons, lots of pain, but I’m glad to have learned them.” —u/Persephone_238

16. Different values

“Not having the same vibe, values, communication, interests. I have a BIG sense of humor….love music and give 100%. If it’s not there in the beginning, it never will be.” —u/Conscious_You_7176

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