Horny Pastor John Hagee

Marcos Corrêa/Flickr Twemoji (CC-BY) Ana Valens

This megachurch pastor just accidentally penned a horny kink tweet

Pastor John Hagee was horny on main this week.

Feb 28, 2020, 3:08 pm*

Internet Culture

Ana Valens 

Ana Valens

Opinion

“Each day on twitter there is one main character,” Twitter user @maplecocaine once tweeted. “The goal is to never be it.”

Today, that displeasure goes to megachurch pastor John Hagee, who accidentally penned a kink tweet to his 424,300 followers. “Obedience brings blessings, and disobedience brings consequences,” he declared Tuesday afternoon. His Christian following agreed, and all seemed right in the God-fearing world.

But for kink-inclined internet denizens, Hagee’s tweet doesn’t sound chaste. Obedience plays an enormous role in BDSM’s dominant-submissive relationships (D/s). Subs receive sexual pleasure by submitting to a dom’s power, and chants like “it feels good to obey” are commonly ordered by doms to their pets. Sure, Hagee may have tweeted about his devotion to God, but if you’re more familiar with kneeling in the bedroom than in the chapel, his warning comes off as really horny.

Once sex workers and queer Twitter users found Hagee’s post, he was officially branded Friday’s horny-on-main user.

https://twitter.com/Science_Hooker/status/1159749389503647744

https://twitter.com/dominatrixlux/status/1159797572506046464

https://twitter.com/JessurGoddess/status/1159707322345615361

https://twitter.com/TinkerB1985/status/1159785153167859712

Not to mention, Vice President Mike Pence just told the the anti-LGBTQ Alliance Defending Freedom to “spend more time on your knees than on the internet,” which is ridiculously thirsty. This reporter understands why Pence won’t spend alone time with women now. He’s just as slutty as the rest of us, and God knows there’s no place for that in a Christian marriage.

https://twitter.com/nectarina12/status/1159652414506455041

https://twitter.com/Lun_rLambda/status/1159819459462422528

Step aside, Hot Girl Summer. Let it be known, summer 2019 is now Horny Christian Summer. So fall on your knees, because as this reporter tweeted, “Being obedient whips ass.”

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*First Published: Aug 9, 2019, 10:39 am