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“Don’t do this to me right now”: The “but there was a time” trend is emotionally devastating social media

“I’m too much of an empath for this.”

Photo of Susan LaMarca

Susan LaMarca

but there was a time trend

The “but there was a time” trend is breaking hearts across social platforms. People relating to the bittersweet sensation of nostalgia are so moved by the trend that some say they “hate” it. 

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The trend appears to have two lanes on TikTok: Parents or married couples who are nostalgic about partying, and/or emphasizing the contrast between their current and past lives—and people who miss their exes. 

https://twitter.com/crypt0digital/status/1939437710290075797

Posts from creators pining for lost love list austere routines, personal struggles, and difficult emotions over current photos before cutting to picture-perfect images from the past, often wedding photos. The videos come from single people, divorcees, and widows remembering a time when life felt more vivid and joyful. 

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♬ nothings gonna hurt u baby – stvrnaudio

The posts emphasize experiences of love and grief and reveal that many young divorcees are overworking and relying on Pilates to heal their wounds. Commenters are in tears and begging for the trend to end.

“Great, now I’m crying for strangers on the internet again.”

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@_smith_abi_/TikTok
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Finn + Darla Forever

@darlagma2 shared the brutal reality of many older adults who’ve lost their partners. “Kids don’t call, Grandkids don’t visit, Spending my days alone, Everyone has passed.” The June 30 post has 10.6 million views and over 15 thousand comments from a lot of people who couldn’t handle the feels brought on by Darla’s contribution to the trend. 

“Darla, don’t do this to me right now girl 😭.”

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“Crying at 9:26 am.”

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@urmomtsdotcom/TikTok
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@laylahgrady149/TikTok

“Not the wedding photo”

@isabellayork_’s “But there was once a time…” post from June 23 has 14.1 million views. She wrote, “keeping my peace, dnd, walls up, pilates, working more, nights in, not trusting love, healing myself,” before cutting to a photo of herself in a fairytale wedding dress.

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Replies ranged from “I’m too much of an empath for this” to “This trend is so sad.”

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@notsavannah_h/TikTok
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@xminx_10/TikTok
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He doesn’t miss her—but he does.

A June 27 post from @babyjakee13 got 11.1 million views and had commenters begging for the trend to end. The TikTok user’s sad list included, “no roster, phone on dnd, 50-hour work weeks, therapy twice a month.” 

“I don’t miss her, but I do miss loving someone,” he added. 

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“‘But there was once a time’ REF MAKE IT STOP.”

“Y’all need to start kissing these bricks before throwing them at me.”

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@_n4dadadou/TikTok
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@kolyasmommy/TikTok
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