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Redditor asks former burglars to give home security tips

In this case, being messy can actually come in handy!


Siobhan Ball

Internet Culture

Posted on Nov 19, 2019   Updated on May 19, 2021, 10:36 pm CDT

Reddit is a great place to look for life hacks, and one redditor has found a great way to bypass the cost of a home security consultant. Just ask the former burglars of Reddit where he should and should not hide his valuables!

Former burglars of reddit, where is one place people should never hide valuables? from AskReddit

The top comment comes from a redditor going by DingusMcJohnson, who raised a good point—only successful burglars need to apply! (He wants the best advice after all). Though as several commenters after him pointed out his criteria of getting advice from active burglars is a little bit off the mark, successful doesn’t necessarily mean still working and no longer working doesn’t mean they got caught. The most successful burglars will have retired to roll around on their huge pile of cash by now, after all.

Some of the tips came from non-burglars (self-identified naturally). Despite veering off point a bit, they did have some good tips. Quite a lot seem to involve being such a terrible housekeeper that the burglars just get confused and go home.

Pranking the burglars by gluing a spare key to the ground under the mat so they think they’re being filmed for some kind of show is also apparently quite effective.

Also good God guys, don’t just let people in if they say they’re on official business! Make them show you ID first, like Reddit user Mybigbrowntitties says. You’re all going to get murdered if you keep this up.

Some of the advice is entirely common sense. Don’t leave things where people outside can see them. Trash the box anything expensive came in before disposing of it. Have insurance because if someone really wants to break in, they’ll find a way.

Apparently fire safes aren’t that hard to break into either.

And if you’re keeping anything of value in your shed (and tools are expensive), lock that up too.

Also, why aren’t you all already locking your cars?

Meanwhile, Reddit user ragyyz was asking the real question: why were active burglars not allowed to participate?

Which led to a multinational sting right there in the comments! (Because you can always trust people to be who they say they are on Reddit).

And user ehhhk won the internet for the day with his coming out joke.


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*First Published: Nov 19, 2019, 2:18 pm CST