If there’s an asshole checklist, then the Reddit user calling himself babyworking ticks every box. Like roughly half the entries on the subreddit Am I The Asshole, he came there looking for affirmation, specifically because his wife had told him he was one. He wanted a forum full of internet strangers to tell him she was wrong. Already not off to a great start, the story then dives off a cliff when he forces two female staff members to perform childcare for him before turning around and trying to discipline them for it.
The story begins with him taking his baby to work with him while on paternity leave so he could retrieve some documents. So far, reasonably OK, as many people bring their new baby into work to show their colleagues. Where things start to go off the rails, however, is what he did when the baby started to cry.
“I told my assistant that she can rock baby or walk around the office and they’ll go back to sleep. My assistant took her outside my office by her desk and I worked on gathering what I needed from my computer.”
As the Redditors were quick to point out, taking care of his baby was in no way her job.
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inAmItheAsshole
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It got worse when he looked up from his work and remembered his baby existed. Upon discovering that, having her own work to do and no more capable of doing it around a crying baby than he was, his assistant had handed the baby to an intern and the man freaked out completely. That’s somewhat understandable. His very tiny baby was now out of sight and in the arms of a stranger, something that would make any new parent panic. But this is how he reacted to the situation:
I went over to where the intern desks are and ask where Mary [the intern] was and they said she went to the bathroom. I asked if she had my baby they said she thinks so and I asked one of the female employees if she could go to the bathroom to get her. A minute later, they both come back, baby with Mary and diaper bag on her arm.
I took my kid from her arms and told her I didn’t appreciate her walking off with my kid. Mary said my assistant asked her to hold the baby and when she did, it seemed like baby needed a diaper change so she went and did that. I told her I appreciate the sentiment but didn’t like the idea of a stranger walking off with my baby.
This is the point at which it should be an alls well that ends well type of story, ideally with flowers and apologies for both women, as, once again, childcare is in no way a part of their jobs. Unfortunately, OP really is the asshole because this is what happened instead.
“In private, I told my boss that how I felt and that I would feel uncomfortable extending her a job offer at the end of her internship but the status of her employment now was up to my boss to decide.”
He also reveals, further down in the comments, that he’s given his assistant a verbal warning as well.
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Dude comes in with his baby, forces his assistant to take care of his kid, said assistant is forced to hand the baby to an intern so that she can do her real job, intern changes the baby's diaper (something he should have checked himself), and now he wants to ruin her career.
— Uldihaa (@Uldihaa) July 19, 2019
Being a story of such rarely seen levels of assholery, the post immediately jumped to Twitter, leading to two social media platforms worth of people dragging this Victorian throwback of a man.
AYTA? No, definitely not. A-hole is far too kind a word for what you are. You owe both your assistant and the intern a heart-felt apology, and your company needs to seriously consider whether you should be allowed to remain in a position of authority.
— dandjones (@dandjones) July 19, 2019
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https://twitter.com/exfatalist/status/1152280817139425280
“I brought my baby to the office unannounced, dumped her on my assistant who actually has shit to do, a kind coworker was thoughtful and changed the kid’s diaper so I fucking ruined her life, AITA??????? Also I get paternity leave because I’m an executive, lol”
— Josh McLean (@RadioMcLean) July 19, 2019
Ask A Manager was summoned and she passed judgment.
Ohhhh noooo
— Ask a Manager (@AskAManager) July 19, 2019
And even the sympathetic responses think OP was unreasonable.
This new dad felt understandable, intense panic over losing his kid and channeled that fear into anger over people with less power than him. Classic! (Really he should be considering the optics of sticking female staff with childcare…)
— Exxxxxxno Montreal (@FNoMTL) July 19, 2019
https://twitter.com/atremblingsky/status/1152279726289035265
Some people quite reasonably pointed out that if he can’t manage work and paternity leave at the same time then he shouldn’t be trying to do both (and is it actually even paternity leave if he’s working from home anyway?).
1. It's not "paternity leave" if you're working from home
— Anna Harrison (@ABananaRambling) July 19, 2019
2. "I passed my baby off to someone not on leave who had actual work to do and then got mad when they tried to their own job."
YTA. Why didn’t you take care of your own crying baby?
— petty davis eyes (@SL8Rgirl) July 19, 2019
https://twitter.com/hstanley_/status/1152291378958876673
Other pointed out how if he’s also on leave, baby care is at least half his job, but he still thought of it as “giving his wife a break”.
Right I love how he thought he was being helpful and giving his wife a break but instead of just caring for his own child he pawned it off to the nearest woman
— sick ostrich 🏳️🌈😘 (@kori9898) July 19, 2019
https://twitter.com/Cavalish/status/1152472260373929984
I’m not convinced he’s using his paternity leave to actually be helpful based on this post alone.
— ALLIGATOR TEARS truther (@MorgBGreat) July 20, 2019
He definitely just stares at his wife as she cooks and breast feeds. He makes sure the newspapers are organized.
https://twitter.com/Lenndo_/status/1152307440756625408
I’m not convinced he’s using his paternity leave to actually be helpful based on this post alone.
— ALLIGATOR TEARS truther (@MorgBGreat) July 20, 2019
He definitely just stares at his wife as she cooks and breast feeds. He makes sure the newspapers are organized.
People were all over the sexism of expecting female staff members to mind his baby while he worked, even though they also had work of their own.
Jesus, even when he gets paternity leave he still pawns off his kid on the women around him. Yes, he ITA.
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@Magzdilla2early) July 19, 2019
https://twitter.com/Phoenixed_Jay/status/1152280276682366976
"Now that I am here at work the nearest woman should definitely take care of my baby for me while I get a few things done"
— nikki BOOskey 👻 (@thenikkibus) July 19, 2019
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Naturally, everyone sided with the intern.
https://twitter.com/e_lee_sule/status/1152285618598100992
I really hope this guy's boss gives him the formal warning, apologizes to the assistant on his behalf, and hires the intern. What trash.
— Racheline Maltese (@racheline_m) July 19, 2019
Fire him, promote the assistant to his job, give the intern the assistant's job, and give the baby an internship.
— Simon Edmond (@Tuckineddy) July 20, 2019
Basically, everyone is hoping he gets fired. Or at least sued by the women.
https://twitter.com/e_lee_sule/status/1152285618598100992
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