Humans have been obsessed with predicting the future for as long as there has been a future to predict.
From the enduring prophecies of Nostradamus to the petty musings of a lowly fortune teller, we have always been fascinated by people who try to peer into the future and see what will happen next.
If you search the word “prediction” on Twitter, you come up with dozens of accounts claiming they can foretell the future in various ways, and you see lots of crystal ball emojis in bios. Despite the centuries-long shoddy track record of oracles and mediums, people are still eager to seek out whatever information they can about things to come, online or IRL.
One of the best accounts in the prediction game right now is Predication Crave (@PredictionCrave). Part future prognosticator and part gossip micro-blog, the account has all of the fun of a celebrity tabloid combined with the mystery of a fortune teller.
A popular actor is about to die.— Mr. Fortune (@Arlahndo) August 18, 2019
Billie Eilish to be casted as Regan in the upcoming remake of the 1973's classic The Exorcist.— Mr. Fortune (@Arlahndo) August 15, 2019
Melania Trump will find love!— Mr. Fortune (@Arlahndo) August 17, 2019
It’s obvious that Prediction Crave doesn’t take themselves too seriously, but really, the same can be said of a lot of fortune tellers who have plied their trade through the years. For every Nostradamus, Helena Blavatsky, or Miss Cleo, there is someone who is just using the fun of prediction to have a good time. @PredictionCrave fits firmly and confidently into this less self-serious tradition.
The Daily Dot communicated with Prediction Crave from the great beyond—through Twitter DMs—and discussed all that lies beyond the mortal plane. The person behind the account asked to remain anonymous to retain some aura of mystery behind their work. After our conversation, we can confidently confirm that they don’t take themselves too seriously.
“The whole concept of my account is to make and poke fun of the internet,” Prediction Crave said. “The digital age. It’s meant to be disturbing. Thought-provoking. Sarcastic. Weird with a dash of reality. Personally, I consider this account a hybrid of reality and fiction.”
Throughout our conversation, Prediction Crave referred to their account as an “art project,” and the way that their posts echo the gossip zeitgeist with a flare of absurdity makes that much clear.
A famous female rapper's but implants will explode.— Mr. Fortune (@Arlahndo) August 15, 2019
The account has a very active fan base, with a lot of posts getting a surprisingly high number of passionate replies. We asked Prediction Crave why they think people are interested in predictions.
“I think people like predictions because either they are impatient of the future or because they are intrigued to see if indeed what some random stranger on the internet predict will happen or not,” they replied.
@PredictionCrave says that the predictions their followers are most interested in are pop star-based. In many ways, the account serves the same function as a grocery store tabloid, often playing into the celebrity fantasies of followers in their predictions.
“I love poking fun of pop stars,” Prediction Crave said, “because obviously, they are what the internet is most obsessed with.”
Making a high volume of pop star predictions has the added bonuses that from time to time your predictions will come to pass. A number of Prediction Crave’s calls have come true—the most recent one predicted the separation of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.
Liam and Miley to announce separation.— Mr. Fortune (@Arlahndo) June 18, 2019
The Daily Dot pressed @PredictionCrave on what might be in store before the end of 2019. They looked into their crystal ball and told us the one prediction they are confident about.
“Actually, I am hungry at the moment so I think the one where I predicted that Peppa Pig will be served as a grilled pork sandwich might actually happen,” they said.
While we hesitate to predict the death of such a major pop culture figure in print, @PredictionCrave has been right before, and we don’t want to treat their incredible powers with anything but the reverence they deserve.
Finally, we asked @PredictionCrave who they go to for their predictions. Like many oracles before them, they go straight to the source. “My favorite predictor is hands down the Bible aka God.”
Until we can commune directly with a deity, we will just have to settle for the next best thing: @PredictionCrave.