Photo via Volodymyr Tverdokhlib / Shutterstock (Fair Use) Remix by Jason Reed

Awful boyfriend learns a gross, important lesson about karma

Dude should've listened.

Feb 28, 2020, 7:19 pm*

Internet Culture

April Siese 

April Siese

War stories about shitty exes are sometimes the only things we can take away from a terrible relationship. I’ve had plenty of partners who seemed like a bad idea at the time and continued on that trajectory until the whole thing crumbled. But some of my biggest foibles in dating made for the best stories; the type of tales that restore your faith in the playfulness of the universe and make you so grateful you’re out of that.

Writer Sarah Gailey unleashed perhaps the best possible such story on Twitter on Wednesday. It starts out innocuous enough then soon gets cringe-worthy.

As dude begins acting more and more like a toddler, the device reveals itself to be none other than a callous-grooming PedEgg, aka not something you want right in front of your face.

It’s a good device! And, for the money-minded, it certainly beats the heck out of expensive trips to the salon for a pricy pedicure. But, there’s one important thing that comes with PedEgg ownership: PedEgg maintenance.

(my apologies to everyone who
If you don’t empty your Ped Egg frequently, it can get
*pretty much packed*
with foot shavings
(sorry)
13/

— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) December 7, 2016

You can only imagine what happens next, which Gailey illustrates in glorious detail.

My relative’s foot shavings ERUPTED from within the Ped Egg like an explosion of flesh confetti

15/

— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) December 7, 2016

I was laughing so hard that I was in very real danger of peeing myself and the only word I managed to choke out was
“feet”
17/

— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) December 7, 2016

And the lesson here? Listen to your girlfriend. Or, heck, give anyone the respect they deserve.

THAT is why you ALWAYS listen to your girlfriend. Because if you don’t, you end up with a foot in your mouth.
And nose.
And eyes.
~fin~

— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) December 7, 2016

Gailey, who admitted she dated the dude far longer than was reasonable, is far away from that relationship. Nevertheless, she took the tale of the PedEggsplosion and has lovingly shared it with us, foot shavings and all.

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*First Published: Dec 8, 2016, 9:29 am

April Siese

A former Weekend Editor at the Daily Dot, April Siese's reporting covers everything from technology and politics to web culture and humor. Her work has been published by Bustle, Uproxx, Death and Taxes, Rolling Stone, the Daily Beast, Thrillist, Atlas Obscura, and others. Siese joined Quartz in December 2016.

April Siese