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What ‘I haven’t heard that name in years’ says about time and the internet

How did you even find me?

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Miles Klee

Internet Culture

Posted on Aug 19, 2016   Updated on May 26, 2021, 5:40 am CDT

It’s a trope as old as noir itself, one that’s expected in any action film where a weary, downtrodden, one-time hero is called upon to once again save the world. Our fresh-faced new characters go looking for some still-living legend, only to find him—and it’s almost always a him—at the wrong end of a whiskey bottle, sucking on a cheap cigarette. They approach with great reverence and hesitation, addressing him by a title he’s all but forgotten.

From amid the smoke and shadow comes some movement. Our man stubs out his cigarette and lights a new one, offering the gruff, ambiguous reply:

“I haven’t heard that name in years.”

Sure, the line takes many different forms—”He’s long gone,” or “You came all this way for nothing,” or “I don’t know who you’re talking about”—but it’s always recognizable. And our grizzled vet knows what’s coming next.

What makes for a good cliché, of course, also makes for a great meme: formula. Which is how we got to this Thomas the Tank Engine joke.

And the countless variations that followed, most of which trade on the long absence of whoever or whatever you were seeking in the first place.

Like Microsoft’s Clippy, for example.

Or cash.

https://twitter.com/tumblrthings/status/759513429489098752

Or a certain pop star known for spelling out the name of a fruit.

https://twitter.com/tinatbh/status/765640024561971200

Or crime-fighting reptiles.

Or a forgetful fish.

And so on.

But here’s where it gets interesting. The “haven’t heard that name in years” meme, in its retrospection, is the perfect vehicle for reviving other memes that—in the usual way of the lightning-paced web—are quickly discarded and become vague historical footnotes amid so much digital debris.

Dat Boi, for example, peaked just a few months ago, but it already feels as if years have passed since the zenith of his stardom. Therefore, you get this:

https://twitter.com/LaziestCanine/status/745078300997914624

Ditto the dead ape Harambe, whose (faked?) death feels a lifetime ago.

https://twitter.com/fIexoffender/status/743852523983880192

And SpongeBob SquarePants and his boss, Mr. Krabs, whose memehood is now largely archival.

https://twitter.com/hvckvtt/status/740272078125834241

And their fellow memeable cartoon character, Arthur.

Then there’s the living, swimming meme known as Michael Phelps.

https://twitter.com/kncourville/status/764274769214656513

As well as Pepe the Frog, ancient by meme standards.

https://twitter.com/Connorizakittay/status/763385813656674305

And, of course, Bee Movie.

Naturally, the format isn’t limited to other memes, and it works with just about everyone (and everything), so long as a cigarette is involved. 

https://twitter.com/rougaschmougas/status/765010353306558464

https://twitter.com/1942bs/status/765588255702130688

https://twitter.com/etrnl_oblvn/status/765624645559214082

https://twitter.com/legendarymariah/status/765605847594508288

The most closely related forerunner of this meme might be “feel old yet?” or “want to feel old?” template—in which a semi-forgotten celebrity, child actor, or fictional character is revealed to have aged ridiculously, thereby putting into perspective the rapid passage of one’s own life.

https://twitter.com/SeanMcElwee/status/764985841240375298

It’s fascinating to see the ways in which these jokes attempt to resolve a cognitive dissonance about how quickly time flows when you’re surfin’ the ‘net. Things get old fast, memes perhaps most of all, but especially even the basic infrastructure that allows ideas to spread and content to go viral. Before you know it, the very network you’re on right now will be sipping cheap gin in a greasy dive bar. It’ll hear someone come through the creaking front door, order a beer, and ask, “Information Superhighway?”

“I haven’t heard that name in years,” the internet will say. 

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*First Published: Aug 19, 2016, 11:57 am CDT

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions,  and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'

Miles Klee