Photo via superbatfish/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Drunken knife-wielding monkey chases everyone out of a bar



David Britton

Internet Culture

Published Feb 19, 2016   Updated May 27, 2021, 4:49 am CDT

For the love of god, can we please stop giving knives to animals? First it’s a crab, now it’s a monkey. You people just won’t be happy until someone puts an eye out, will you?

Apparently this Brazilian monkey walked into a bar, downed a glass of rum while no one was looking (or, more likely, everyone was looking and no one wanted to confess to getting a monkey liquored up), grabbed a knife, and chased all the men out of the bar. The women he left alone. 

Then he went outside, climbed on the roof, and had fun stabbing that for a while.

Eventually, the fire department came, captured the little guy, and released him back into the wild. He probably won’t be gone for long, though. It’s like that old saying: “Once a drunk stabbin’ monkey, always a drunk stabbin’ monkey.”

H/T Death and Taxes | Photo via superbatfish/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Feb 19, 2016, 3:59 pm CST