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For the love of god, can we please stop giving knives to animals? First it’s a crab, now it’s a monkey. You people just won’t be happy until someone puts an eye out, will you?
Apparently this Brazilian monkey walked into a bar, downed a glass of rum while no one was looking (or, more likely, everyone was looking and no one wanted to confess to getting a monkey liquored up), grabbed a knife, and chased all the men out of the bar. The women he left alone.
Then he went outside, climbed on the roof, and had fun stabbing that for a while.
Eventually, the fire department came, captured the little guy, and released him back into the wild. He probably won’t be gone for long, though. It’s like that old saying: “Once a drunk stabbin’ monkey, always a drunk stabbin’ monkey.”
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.