- Super Smash Bros. Ultimate player’s trans flag removed for being ‘political’ Monday 7:37 PM
- Does Donald Trump Jr. know what American soldiers do? Monday 7:17 PM
- Sophie Turner has a hot take on Arya’s ‘Game of Thrones’ sex scene Monday 6:50 PM
- Parked Tesla Model S bursts into flames in shocking video Monday 3:12 PM
- Fortnite is getting an Avengers Endgame event Monday 2:44 PM
- The living are facing the end of the world in the latest ‘Game of Thrones’ Monday 2:37 PM
- The best Korean beauty toners for your skincare routine Monday 2:33 PM
- Warren’s plan to cancel student debt stimulates the bad-take economy Monday 2:27 PM
- Video shows Easter Bunny punching man on sidewalk Monday 2:09 PM
- The 7 best lubes for when you wanna do butt stuff Monday 2:00 PM
- 11 best sex toys under $35 to blow your mind Monday 1:30 PM
- Twitch streamer inadvertently documents all the times she was sexually, verbally harassed on vacation Monday 1:12 PM
- Raptors coach Nick Nurse becomes a relatable meme Monday 1:12 PM
- Man wears bandage that blends in with his skin tone, and Twitter has all the feelings Monday 12:55 PM
- The 8 best Korean sunscreens to add to your bag Monday 12:15 PM
For the love of god, can we please stop giving knives to animals? First it’s a crab, now it’s a monkey. You people just won’t be happy until someone puts an eye out, will you?
Apparently this Brazilian monkey walked into a bar, downed a glass of rum while no one was looking (or, more likely, everyone was looking and no one wanted to confess to getting a monkey liquored up), grabbed a knife, and chased all the men out of the bar. The women he left alone.
Then he went outside, climbed on the roof, and had fun stabbing that for a while.
Eventually, the fire department came, captured the little guy, and released him back into the wild. He probably won’t be gone for long, though. It’s like that old saying: “Once a drunk stabbin’ monkey, always a drunk stabbin’ monkey.”
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.