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Cats is turning out to be the holiday gift that keeps on giving. Assuming the gift you wanted is a spectacular failure that somehow just keeps getting more and more ridiculous with every day that passes. The latest? Let’s talk about Judi Dench’s hand.
The final editing of the film was notoriously last minute, with director Tom Hooper admitting he finished “the final cut” the day before Cats premiered to the world. However, things got even crazier on Saturday when it was announced that Universal would be releasing a revised version of the movie, at the insistence of Hooper. This new version supposedly contains improved visual effects.
How to tell if you’re seeing the original theatrical release of Cats or the new and “improved” version? That’s where Dench’s hand comes in.
“Look for Judi Dench’s human hand, wedding ring and all,” suggests Variety editor Jenelle Riley.
This isn’t a joke: CATS was rushed into theaters before being finished so a new version is being sent to theaters with updated effects. How do you know if you have the old version? Look for Judi Dench’s human hand, wedding ring and all. pic.twitter.com/VDUOevePU9— Jenelle Riley (@jenelleriley) December 22, 2019
That’s right, apparently, the official release of Cats was so haphazardly put together that they somehow missed removing Dench’s actual hand and wedding ring in one shot. That’s like, a Daenerys Targaryen drinking Starbucks level mishap.
“So will the version of CATS with Judi Dench’s ring-hand be known as ‘The Diamond Cut?'” one user questioned.
Others insisted it was time to rush to the theater to catch the unedited version before it was potentially lost for good.
“I am seeing CATS tomorrow and I’m so scared the patch will arrive overnight I wanna see Judi Dench glitch thru a wall and Ian McKellen with rag doll physics,” Canadian writer Anthony Oliveira tweeted.
sorry to the woman next to me on the train who has seen me search for “judi dench human hand” and “cats wedding ring” because out of context those phrases seem uniquely deranged— ali sousa ✨ (@alisousa4) December 22, 2019
So will the version of CATS with Judi Dench's ring-hand be known as "The Diamond Cut"?— Kathleen Lakeland (@lakeleen) December 22, 2019
No. It must go back to 17% to maintain balance with Cats & Dogs. pic.twitter.com/YwCrdo5Ww9— The Sir You Know (@JCSiruno) December 22, 2019
The legs were bizarre. Sometimes cat legs! Sometimes human legs! Sometimes on the same cat!— Yells On Politics, oh well (@YellsOnPolitics) December 22, 2019
“In this new version, all of the cats are anatomically correct.” https://t.co/ZuECgdtVAw— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) December 22, 2019
I am seeing CATS tomorrow and I’m so scared the patch will arrive overnight I wanna see Judi Dench glitch thru a wall and Ian McKellen with ragdoll physics— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) December 21, 2019
Also did they remove the babadook or pic.twitter.com/imbqAz5quH— Ray (@spacedog17) December 22, 2019
*Summoning Salt Voice*— Bear Tomorrow Bear Yesterday, but never Bear today (@TBLumpkins) December 22, 2019
The record stood for 2 months. After the Judi Dench Human Hand patch no one could beat the previous record
*triumphant synth music starts*
But then, Xx_iCarely_Yoshi_xX found the holy grail of the Cats Speed run: Jason Derulo's unedited dick.
CINEMAS MUST REJECT THE CATS PATCH— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) December 21, 2019
GIVE US THE UNBLEMISHED BLEMISH
JELLICLES DO https://t.co/VmF02mtUwp
everything i've so far learned about cats the movie - including judi dench's human hand - is an absolute fever dream— florence pew pew (@allisonargented) December 22, 2019
Some theaters are expected to download the patch on Sunday, destroying the Cats we’ve all been talking about. Other theaters may continue showing the original version up until Tuesday. Either way, if you want to catch this anatomically incorrect musical nightmare before it becomes… probably only slightly less nightmarish, you better move quick.
Rachel Kiley is a writer who sometimes writes things and sometimes is based in L.A., but is definitely always on Twitter @rachelkiley.