Here’s an exclusive taste of the new ‘Doctor Who’ cookbook

Nerdy cookbook author Chris-Rachael Oseland travels back in time and revisits her very first creation.

With each Doctor regeneration on Doctor Who, we get something different that’s still the same lovable Time Lord. It’s fitting then that geek cookbook author and creator of Kitchen Overlord Chris-Rachael Oseland is calling her updated cookbook for Whovians Dining With the Doctor: Regenerated.

The author of such books as An Unexpected Cookbook: The Unofficial Book of Hobbit Cookery and Kitchen Overlord’s Illustrated Geek Cookbook has turned to Kickstarter to fund an update to her very first cookbook, Dining With the Doctor: The Unauthorized Whovian Cookbook. The new version of the cookbook will include some of the book’s original recipes along with brand new ones. Oseland told the Daily Dot in an email that it “might as well be an all new cookbook.”

“I initially planned on keeping 60 of the original recipes, but between review feedback and personal inspiration, that number is closer to 50. The new cookbook is up to 140 recipes (with options for more if the Kickstarter does well) so you’re getting at least 90 brand new recipes,” she said. “The new cookbook also brings us up to date with the series thus far. The original had recipes for every episode of series 1-6. The new one has recipes for every episode of series 1-8, plus an expanded bonus chapter for Fish Fingers & Custard, the chapter for cocktails, and some additional fun stuff.  If you already own the first edition, picking up the second edition will double the number of Whovian recipes at your fingertips.”

Oseland has already come up with and tested about 80 percent of the new recipes, and once she finishes the rest will move on to photography sessions. Kickstarter funds will be used to print the book, print rewards, and be used for postage for mailing the books. 

Chris-Rachael Oseland

Since she published the original version, Oseland has released four other cookbooks, and so she’s going into the project with more experience.

“Whovians are some of the most tolerant fans in the world. After all, our fandom was kept alive in the dark years between the original series cancellation and the 2005 reboot by Big Finish audio productions and a ton of fanzines and fan art. I honestly can’t imagine another fandom that would look past the physical flaws of the original book and appreciate the content within. Now that I have years of professional experience under my belt, I want to give my fellow Whovians the book they deserved from the start,” Oseland said.

So far she has raised more than $6,000 of her initial $9,995. As of this writing, the fundraising campaign has 8 days left to go.

If you’re wondering what a regenerated Doctor Who cookbook might be like, hold on to your sonic screwdriver! You can try two of Oseland’s delicious Who-themed recipes below. 

Chris-Rachael Oseland

Deviled Ood with Horseradish and Bacon (Season 2, Episode 9: The Satan Pit)

Are you questioning the logic of exploring a planet orbiting a black hole? Has your favorite archaeologist acquired some disturbing new tattoos? Are your Ood servants muttering incomprehensible gibberish while serving your food? No? Well, they will be once they see these fast and easy one-bite appetizers celebrating the end of their forced servitude.

12 hard boiled eggs
¼ cup/60 g mayonnaise
2 tbsp/ 60 g prepared horseradish
2 tbsp/20 ml beef drippings (substitute more mayo if unavailable)
2 tsp/20 ml white wine vinegar
2 tsp/ prepared Dijon mustard
1 clove garlic, minced fine
½ tsp/2.5 g paprika (optional)
½ tsp/2.5 g kosher salt
4 fresh basil leaves
1 thick cucumber
12 slices bacon

The tender flesh of unborn flightless birds will magically transform into the faces of your new minions. Bring a pot of water to a rolling boil so it resembles an angry interstellar vortex. Seed the potential alternate universe on the other side with new life by using a slotted spoon to submerge all 12 of your eggs. Sure, it’s entirely possible the creatures born in that universe might create a religion where their chief deity has epic battles with a demon that looks remarkably like a slotted spoon, but you don’t live there, so don’t worry about ending up in a dome shaped prison with skylines along the ceiling.

Once your eggs are boiled, submerge them in cold water to cool down. While the eggs cool, cut your bacon into narrow strips and fry it up in a pan.

Once your eggs are boiled and bacon is fried, grab a bowl. Dump in your mayonnaise, horseradish, vinegar, mustard, garlic, and salt.. If you have beef drippings, add those, too. (If you plan on making The Doctor’s Yorkshire Puddings, why not save a couple tablespoons of drippings to use in this recipe, too?)

Peel your eggs and cut them in half lengthwise so they look like oval Ood faces. Scoop out the yolk brains and add them to the mayo mix.

Mash everything in the mayo bowl like you’re trying to crush the memories of oppression from your Ood’s brain. Once everything is as smooth as a the musical stylings of an imprisoned Ood elder, spice it up with a couple basil leaves, chopped fine.

Now that you have a tasty brain-replacement filling, cut your cucumber into 24 slices.

Look at the yolk hole in your eggs. It reminds you of the hole in an Ood’s soul from removing their brains. Fill it with something new, something different, something of your own creation. Or a spoon full of the yolk and mayo filling since you have it right there.

Normally, you’d proudly display the open wounds of a freshly cut egg, but in this case, we’re going to hide the injuries by slapping the filled side of an egg onto a cucumber slice to keep the filling from falling out like an Ood dropping its external brain.

Add a couple slices of basil to represent your Ood’s eyes. Finish it off with a fresh mound of crispy bacon mouth tentacles.

You can whip up a couple dozen of these easy two bite appetizers in half an hour, all while snacking on the extra bacon you slipped into the pan. If you want to spice things up, carefully sprinkle on some paprika instead of basil to give your Ood servants a bad case of Red Eye.

Chris-Rachael Oseland

L.I.N.D.A.’s Tardis Wellington (Season 2, Episode 10: Love and Monsters)

This is a great recipe for getting your mates get together for a little Electric Light Orchestra jam sessions and alien spotting. Don’t be intimidated by the “Wellington” name. This is actually easier to make than most people think. The key is quality ingredients. Yes, it is a little bit of a hassle, but your friends will be talking about it for ages.

Duxelles:
1 lb/455 g white button mushrooms 2 small onions, peeled and roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic, peeled and roughly chopped 2 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves only
4 tbsp/60 g butter 1 tsp/5 g fresh ground black pepper ½ tsp/2.5 g kosher salt

Beef:
2 lb/900 g sirloin tip roast, carefully trimmed of all fat 1 lb/450 g puff pastry, thawed if using frozen
2 tbsp/60g dijon mustard 2 large eggs, lightly beaten kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

You can use beef tenderloin in this recipe, but you won’t end up with the flatter, more square shape you want in a Tardis shaped meat pie. Instead, go for a nice, thick sirloin tip roast. They’re tender enough some people call the sirloin tip a “poor man’s prime rib.” Most cuts also happen to be just the right shape and texture for this recipe. Fair warning: don’t use a cheap, tough roast. You’ll end up with an inedible lump. Cheap cuts of meat need to be cooked slowly for long periods of time before they soften up. Just this once, go for the good stuff. If you can’t find any sirloin tip roast, ask your butcher what he’d substitute in a big, flat Wellington. Most of them will be totally relieved someone still cares about meat. If he stares at you blankly, it’s time to find a new grocery store.

Once you’re ready to make your Tardis Wellington, take your frozen puff pastry out of the freezer and let it thaw at room temperature. This takes a few hours, so you’re best off just putting the box in the fridge to thaw slowly the night before

When picking your sirloin tip roast, try to find one that’s already got as much rectangular potential as possible. You’ll probably have to cut it down a little to make sure it’s properly Tardis shaped. Luckily, the remains can either be grilled outside as steaks or turned into kabobs if they’re odd sizes. Make sure to carefully trim all visible fat from your sirloin tip roast then carve it into a nice rectangle that weighs around 2 pounds.

Preheat your oven to 400F/205C. When it’s good and hot, bake your rectangle of roast for 20-25 minutes, or until the interior temperature reaches 130F/55C. Don’t leave it in too long. It’ll be back in the oven after being covered in puff pastry. You bake it in two steps like this to make sure the meat is properly done without burning the puff pastry.

While the meat is roasting, it’s time to make the duxelles. That’s just a fancy term for the mushroom and shallot topping that gets baked inside the crust. Melt your butter in a skillet over medium heat. If you enjoy chopping vegetables, mince up your mushrooms, onions, and garlic. If you consider it a chore, throw them all in a food processor, along with the fresh thyme, and pulse it a few times until you end up with a nice vegetable mince. Don’t let it run too long or else you’ll end up with a vegetable paste.

Toss your veggie mix into your melted butter and cook it all for about eight to ten minutes. It should be gloriously aromatic. Finish the mix with your salt and pepper, cook for another minute or so, then set it aside to cool.

It may seem counter intuitive, but once the meat and veggies are ready, you want to put them in the fridge to cool down a bit. This is so they don’t soak through the puff pastry and thereby ruin the crust. Leave them be for an hour or so while you watch another episode of Doctor Who.

When you come back, it’s time for the fun part.

Unfold your puff pastry. It should be large enough to wrap your entire roast. (If in doubt, buy two boxes of puff pastry dough. This isn’t the place to skimp.) Now carefully cut an inch or so off one of the shorter edges so you have a line of thin scraps. You’ll be using these to decorate the top into a Tardis shape.

Carefully pat your roast dry with some paper towels.

Spread your duxelles out in the middle of your puff pastry. You want to make a rectangle of it a little smaller than your meat. Now carefully spread a generous amount of dijon mustard over one side of your meat and put it mustard side down on top of the duxelles. Once the meat is in place, oh so carefully fold in the edges of the puff pastry so they overlap. You want to essentially wrap your meat in the puff pastry as though it’s an edible Christmas present. Feel free to cut away any extra pastry that doesn’t fit.

Now for the hard part. Carefully flip the whole thing over so it’s seam side down in a pre-buttered pan. This gives you a nice, smooth surface for the rectangular top of your Tardis.

If you squint, you can see the potential within, but it doesn’t really look like a Tardis. Not yet. You want to use the puff pastry scraps to finish off the effect. Start by cutting strips to make a half inch wide rectangle around the top of the roast. Position this a good inch/2.5 cm inwards from the edges. Otherwise, you risk having your decorations simply fall off the sides when the puff pastry expands during baking. I speak from experience. Once your border is in place, add another strip down the middle, lengthwise. Now add three evenly spaced strips across the width to represent the upper windows, the warning plaque, and the bottom of the doors. Cut a small circle of pastry and put it in the second box on the right. Cut a little square of puff pastry and put it in the second box on the left. If you have enough puff pastry left, make a thin cross (to represent window panes) in each of the top two boxes. Stop and admire for a moment. It’s lovely.

To make sure it comes out of the oven a beautiful golden brown, beat your eggs until they’re slightly frothy. Use a pastry brush to coat the entire exterior of your puff pastry. Lightly sprinkle the whole thing with kosher salt. Add a little extra salt to the middle left box that represents the plaque so it’ll be nice and sparkly.

Now pop the whole thing in a 400F/205C oven and bake it for 25-35 minutes, depending on your preferred level of doneness. Feel free to sneak a meat thermometer into the side to check the temperature. You want it about 130F/55C (140/60C if you prefer your roast closer to medium well.) If your roast isn’t done enough, cover the top with aluminum foil and cook for another 5-7 minutes. Final cooking time has as much to do with the thickness of your roast as the weight. The thinner the meat, the faster it cooks.

If you’re feeling extra fancy, once your Tardis is finished baking, you can fill the top two windows with either some carefully carved egg whites or some pale white cheese, and perhaps even create some shadows in each of the boxes using either a spread made from diced black olives or some Japanese nori (seaweed paper used to make sushi.)

A good roast needs at least 20 minutes to cool before serving. Otherwise, you’ll lose all the delicious juiciness inside. Luckily, this gives you plenty of time for guests to admire your hard work. When you’re ready to serve it, simply cut the Tardis into 1-2 inch/2.5 – 5 centimeter thick slices.

If you desperately want a Tardis on the table but you’re intimidated by the idea of a fancy roast, don’t despair. There’s a perfectly good cheater’s option that will get you 80 percent of the look for a fraction of the effort.

Get yourself a couple rolls of unperforated crescent dough at the grocery store. Sure, you can also use pizza dough, but the crescents are easier to work with and create a more consistent final result. Now, make whatever casserole you normally enjoy. Chicken pot pie works a treat, as does a tamale pie, or even a shepherd’s pie. Prep your casserole in the usual fashion, spread a nice, flat layer of crescent dough on top, then follow the same procedure using dough scraps to create the details. You can probably throw this crust together in ten minutes, and that’s only if you take some time on the windows. Bake your casserole with the Tardis crust on top and enjoy the envy and admiration of your friends.

Whatever sort of meaty goodness you make, it’s best served with some Electric Light Orchestra Karaoke and the company of your favorite people whose lives have been touched by The Doctor.

Photo via Chris-Rachael Oseland

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