22 questions Rick Perry needs to answer about his anti-Hillary Clinton cartoon

To oops or not to oops—that is the question.

Mar 1, 2020, 1:32 am*

Tech

Aaron Sankin 

Aaron Sankin

Gage Skidmore/flickr

Former Texas governor and recently announced 2016 presidential candidate Rick Perry released a curious video on YouTube over the weekend.

Watching the minute-long cartoon, it’s hard not come away with a few questions.

  • Are you high?
  • Seriously though, are you high? Last year you advocated for giving states the ability to decriminalize marijuana. Polls show a majority of Americans support full-scale legalization, so it probably wouldn’t be a campaign-killer if you were high.
  • Were you going for Mystery Science Theater 3000 or for Beavis & Butthead
  • The marquee outside the movie theater is for a movie called Stop Hillary Clinton, but the attacks on Hillary’s record come during the “Previews of Coming Attractions” section. Was the sign outside the theater advertising the previews? 
  • Was there a preview for a different movie about stopping Hillary from becoming president playing before the movie about stopping Hillary from becoming president that Hillary was intending to see?
  • If there are that many upcoming movies about stopping Hillary from becoming president, wouldn’t it better to find an angle that’s a little different?
  • Superhero movies are really hot right now. Why not make a sequel to your dark, brooding 2012 blockbuster in which you were a superhero battling the evil forces of Obama‘s lackluster job-creation record?

  • Why would Hillary willingly go see a movie dedicated to attacking her? 
  • Was George W. Bush first in line to see Fahrenheit 9/11 in theaters?
  • Did Bush see Fahrenheit by himself, like Hillary in your video, or did he take Cheney? Or did the three of you make a night of it?
  • Are you suggesting that Hillary is chasing the ironic hipster vote by depicting her seeing a terrible movie just to make fun of it? 
  • Aren’t those hipsters the same demographic you’re trying to attract with these cool new glasses?
  • How’s that indictment for abusing your power as governor of Texas going?
  • On a scale of zero to Texas-sized, how much self-confidence does it take to mount a run for president while under indictment?
  • If you took a really deep breath, how long do you think you could yell the word “Benghazi“? 
  • On a scale of zero to Texas-sized, how closely will the GOP primary debates resemble you yelling “Benghazi” for a really long time?
  • Do you think you could beat Ted Cruz at arm wrestling? 
  • What about a foot race?
  • Connect Four? 
  • Coyote shooting?
  • If you could eliminate three federal government agencies, which ones would you pick?

  • A recent Fox News poll has you tied with literal laughingstock Donald Trump for the GOP nomination, with each of you at four percent. Is your Hillary video a cry for help? Do you want to get high and commiserate?

Photo by Gage Skidmore/Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

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*First Published: Jun 15, 2015, 1:48 pm