President Obama turned 54 years old on Tuesday. Here are 54 things we’ll always remember about his presidency, for better or worse:
1) First black president
2) First black president to win a second term
3) First black president to think he could probably win third term
4) First black president to marry a woman named Michelle
5) First black president to eat bacon, hash browns
6) First black president to give into his children’s demands to acquire second dog
7) First president to attend Harvard since immediate predecessor
8) The Affordable Care Act, the most efficient system ever devised for killing old people to make room for all the anchor babies that has also saved over 50,000 lives and reduced healthcare costs by $15 billion dollars
9) Dramatic expansion of military drone strikes
10) First sitting president to publicly support drone marriage
11) Ended war in Iraq
12) Restarted war in Iraq
13) Repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
14) First president to appear on a fern-based Internet comedy show
15) Improved race relations in the U.S.
16) Destroyed race relations in the U.S.
17) First black president to appear at least three times on The Daily Show
18) Proved nerd cred by pushing FCC to implement net neutrality
19) Lost all nerd cred by confusing Star Trek with Star Wars
20) The Murder
21) First president since Nixon to have halfway decent jump shot
23) Furious 7 not being awarded Best Picture Oscar immediately upon its release scandal
24) First president to treat Oval Office with dignity it deserves by taking solid selfie with a selfie stick
25) First president whose vice president ate more ice cream than he did
26) #Benghazi
27) #IRSghazi
28) #ObamacareWebsiteghazi
29) #BirthCertificateghazi
30) Held best White House press conference ever by only taking questions from female reporters
31) #NotAllMenghazi
32) Secretly minted trillion-dollar coin. Allegedly put in back pocket in case of emergency
33) Improved relations with both Cuba and Iran, moves which subsequently improved ratings for Fox News
34) First president in a century to not secretly be a lizard person disguised in human form
35) First president since George W. Bush
36) Inability to reunite teen heartthrob Zayn Malik and British boy band One Direction, marking Obama adminstration’s biggest foreign policy failure
37) Signed legislation officially designating the post office located at 18640 NW 2nd Avenue in Miami, Florida, as the Father Richard Marquess-Barry Post Office Building
38) First president since Truman to admit he actually likes rap
39) First president to decline challenge from citizen to arm wrestle for vote
40) First president to decline challenge from world leader to arm wrestle for Crimea
41) First black president to be advised maybe not to dance in public anymore—you know, just a suggestion
42) Visited birthplace
Proud to be the first American President to visit Kenya. Happy to see family, and to talk with young Kenyans about the future.
— President Obama (@POTUS44) July 24, 2015
43) First sitting president to be asked, literally, anything
44) First president to seriously consider whether he would rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses
45) Spied on Americans
46) Spied on Americans slightly less
47) Secretly smoked cigarettes literally every second of every day
48) Saved entire global economy or whatever
49) First winner of Nobel Peace Prize to bomb Yemeni wedding party with drone strike
50) Created Twitter account for Hillary Clinton/Jeb Bush/Donald Trump
Welcome to @Twitter, @POTUS! One question: Does that username stay with the office? #askingforafriend
— Bill Clinton (@BillClinton) May 18, 2015
Good question, @billclinton. The handle comes with the house. Know anyone interested in @FLOTUS?
— President Obama (@POTUS44) May 18, 2015
51) Got one solid night of sleep in seven years
52) Created fun workplace environment for the Secret Service
53) Took respectable number of strokes off golf game
54) Got sparkly new Communist Party membership card
Photo by White House/Flickr (PD)
