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A post on the subreddit r/relationship_advice took an unusual turn the other day. While most Reddit relationship posts feature a seemingly pleasant woman wondering if she should stay with a horrible man, this one concerns a vampire. Specifically, a 400-year-old vampire the redditor’s boyfriend claims to have met while at boarding school in Switzerland.
My (F26) boyfriend (M30) is a wealthy, well educated, completely normal man but he believes without any irony that he met a Vampire and he "confessed" this while he was high. Should I ask him about it sober? from relationship_advice
This “completely normal man,” age thirty and in charge of other people’s money, apparently either believes that he met a 400-year-old vampire when he was a teenager or decided to convince his girlfriend that he did. While he was high.
Let’s have a moment of silence for the banking industry.
OP is understandably concerned and not sure what to do about it. Which is fair. Because after your boyfriend, with terrified sincerity, tells you all about his teenage vampire encounter, it’s hard to know what to do. Not to worry though, that’s what Reddit is for, and the serious suggestions all favor talking to him about it.
Some seem to have missed the actually concerning part. It’s not that vampires themselves are a difficult topic, it’s that OP’s boyfriend might genuinely believe in them and if so, that conversation is going to be a troubling one. (And yes believing in vampires is a lot weirder than believing in ghosts).
There were also some… less than great suggestions. Though these commenters are probably joking. Probably.
Then we get onto the real question raised by the piece: what the hell was her boyfriend taking?
It seems vampires aren’t the only things redditors’ loved ones believe in.
There was also some debate over her bringing up his education and economic background, with some seeing it as an unnecessary brag. Others thought that she was implying that wealth makes you smarter or more plausible.
Then Twitter got hold of the story.
They seemed pretty chill with the whole vampire thing, when they weren’t worried about breaking the masquerade.
Dump him!!— ˡⁱᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵇⁱʳᵈʰᵒᵘˢᵉ ⁱⁿ ʸᵒᵘʳ ˢᵒᵘˡ (@exfatalist) July 28, 2019
But also give me his number.
(Long con to meet a 400 year old vampire starting now.)
I'm not saying he actually met a vampire, but a Swiss boarding school is statistically the most likely location to meet a vampire.— Call Me Shorts Boy (@CallMeShortsBoy) July 27, 2019
He also won’t go into rooms unless invited. Is this a cause for concern?— beans (@beansormolly) July 29, 2019
The vampire revealed himself to a human? He has violated the Masquerade. The Camarilla will not be pleased.— joe “follow the account” klein (@theJoeKlein) July 29, 2019
And one Twitter user offered the most plausible explanation yet: “Sounds like an older dude tried to pick your bf up Lestat-style when your dude was also high at a Swiss boarding school.”
Sounds like an older dude tried to pick your bf up Lestat-style when your dude was also high at a Swiss boarding school.— Alice Anderson (@AlicePoet) July 28, 2019
OP hasn’t come back to update us or answer the many follow-up questions her post provoked. so we may never know what happened next.
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Siobhan Ball is a historian, archivist, and journalist. She also writes for Autostraddle and bi.org