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At least it’s not Garbage Pail Kids cereal?
Although neither Post nor Sour Patch Kids have an official press release for on their respective websites, The official Sour Patch Kids Facebook page has a picture of the forthcoming box along with the caption, “Who did this and where can we buy it?”
Who did this and where can we buy it? @post_cereals #CerealGate
The answer to the first question is pretty clear, and the answer the second question is “At Walmart,” where the cereal will be released exclusively on December 26, although a representative from Post told Today it will be available at other outlets starting in June.
Sour Patch Kids been around since 1970 and were originally known as “Mars Men,” but got renamed in 1985 when the Cabbage Patch Kids craze hit. By the way: apparently, the dolls must never have become that popular in France, where the candy is known as “Very Bad Kids”.
That same year the candy was renamed, a cereal company named Ralston actually released a Cabbage Patch Kids cereal.
That cereal was supposed to be healthy, but the soon-to-be-released Sour Patch version seems… less so. The box claims that, just like the candy, the cereal will be “Sour then Sweet,” which isn’t what most people are looking for in a breakfast cereal. Post is no doubt hoping the novelty factor will move a few boxes before consumers lose interest—the same strategy employed with Nerds cereal which, coincidently, was also released in 1985 by Ralston.
People on Twitter are pretty split about the idea of a Sour Patch Kids cereal, but as long as they’re talking, Post is probably happy.
Today I found out that Sour Patch Kids cereal exists and I cerealously cannot think about anything else. pic.twitter.com/p4MslTIMk2
— Chef Brian (@BrianCPierson) November 7, 2018
Uhmm I like sour patch kids but not as a cereal…🤮🤮🤮
— Jo W (@mahkjchi) November 9, 2018
Sour Patch Kids Cereal? With milk? No thanks. pic.twitter.com/vHEqdiH9HZ
— Patrick B (@patbarn119) November 15, 2018
Sour patch kids cereal. What a time to be alive.
— Julie 💚🏈🦅 (@eaglesaremyteam) November 14, 2018
In a world where Burger King can market a sandwich based on the idea that it might literally induce nightmares, maybe we shouldn’t be too surprised there is a sour cereal shaped like children. The real question is: why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
“The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases,” author Douglas Adams wrote in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, “those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question ‘How can we eat?’ the second by the question ‘Why do we eat?’ and the third by the question ‘Where shall we have lunch?”
Perhaps we’ve entered a fourth phase that Adams never imagined. A “social media” phase characterized by the question, “What will get me some likes if I post pictures of myself eating it on Instagram?”
In the end, Sour Patch Kids cereal probably isn’t any worse for you than any other sweet cereal or, for that matter, a box of Sour Patch Kids, so go ahead and grab your camera and a spoon. Those pictures aren’t going to post themselves.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.