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As Socrates purportedly said: “I know one thing: that I know nothing.” But all the same, it really looks like the Ohio State fan in the Vine below got caught on TV with a non-boyfriend and immediately calculated the fallout.
OK, maybe she just had other things on her mind, like a premonition about the next play being an interception in her team’s favor. Or she could be a stealthy pickpocket. Or—and this is a pretty wild theory—the footage is reversed, and she was wiping a booger on that guy’s head.
Whatever the circumstances, one thing’s for sure: we’ve found our new “Stop Girl.”
Update 12:50pm Jan. 2: False alarm, that’s just her boyfriend.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'