Say hello to Shkarambe
Since being dubbed the “pharma douche,” Martin Shkreli has reveled in his villain status. He bought up the lone copy of the Wu-Tang album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, hiked the price of a vital toxoplasmosis medication, and—worst of all—admitted to killing Harambe.
The disgraced former Turin Pharmaceuticals CEO has an ambitious plan to redeem himself, however.
Just when you thought whipping your dick out or dedicating a football season was the peak of Harambe activism, Shkreli steps in. Enlisting the help of armchair scientists as well as anyone still grieving the passing of Harambe, the “pharma douche” has made it his mission du jour to resurrect the ape.
Of course, Shkreli can’t do it without a bit of fundraising. The MSMB Capital Management co-founder, who’s currently under investigation for securities fraud, conducted two polls to determine just how much Harambe activists would be willing to spend to bring back the beloved gorilla.
The internet was willing to put up over $1 gorillian and give pharmaceutical price-hiking the OK—all in the name of Harambe. A chance to reconnect with the ape who died at the hands of Cincinnati Zoo employees apparently takes top priority over saving the lives of actual, still living humans.
This convoluted redemption tale from Harambe hatred to heroism has been anything but linear. In a flurry of tweets, Shkreli went from wanting a full resurrection to instead embracing his true identity: that of a half-man, half-gorilla.
Naturally, fans of the shit-talker were here for it, memes in hand.
Shkreli is pressuring the Cincinnati Zoo to release Harambe’s entire exome sequence. His reasoning points less to a vanity project and more toward a global movement.
Is this the future of human evolution, to join forces with the world’s most beloved fallen silverback? I reached out to Shkreli to gain a glimpse of the mastermind’s great ape plan and am awaiting a response.
In the meantime, Shkreli is already planning a Shkarambe presidential run featuring Twitter troll Milo Yiannopoulos riding atop a resurrected Harambe as the RNC chooses its 2020 candidate. Oh, and he wants to dump one of his “girlfriends” who can’t get down with a half-man, half-gorilla partner.
What a time to be alive.
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