Don’t forget to pack your bongs.
Limp Bizkit hasn’t released an album since 2011 and probably hasn’t been relevant to nü-metal music lovers since the 2000 album Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, but that doesn’t mean the band’s fans can’t still get burned on 4/20.
Some enterprising soul(s) got the crappy “Faith”-cover-loving citizens of southwest Ohio all hyped by announcing that the Fred Durst-led quartet would play a Sunoco gas station in Dayton on Wednesday to celebrate National Weed Day. Witness this fake tweet.
Or this fantastically sophomoric fake Facebook advertisement.
Unfortunately for Limp Bizkit fans in the area (and fortunately for everyone else with ears), the Dayton Police Department was quick to put the kibosh on all the potential Nookie set to happen at the Sunoco.
So, Limp Bizkit definitely won’t be playing. But that got us to thinking. What about all those other irrelevant bands who love weed? Why can’t they be playing on this holiest of all marijuana days? In fact, they should be playing. In fact, some of them are playing.
The Limp Bizkit show is not happening, but the following concerts are still going forward as planned. Don’t question anything. Just take a toke and be transported in your mind to wherever you want to go.
1) Cypress Hill to play a mediocre family Italian restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming
If you need to be insane in the brain while in southeast Wyoming, be there when Sen Dog, B-Real, and DJ Muggs take the stage behind the Olive Garden on Dell Range Blvd. Luckily for all those who “Roll It Up, Light It Up, Smoke It Up” on 4/20 while listening to Cypress Hill, the Olive Garden will stay open late to serve all-you-can-eat salad, soup, and bread sticks.
2) Smash Mouth to play the Smoki Museum in Prescott, Arizona
Before you get your hopes up, the Smoki Museum is not for marijuana enthusiasts. Instead, it celebrates American Indian art and culture. But that doesn’t mean Smash Mouth couldn’t blast some mid-1990s alternative pop-rock outside the doors there and destroy the rest of the brain cells still intact despite your daily doobage.
Either way, we imagine this guy will definitely be there, for he is the truest All-Star of all.
3) Musical Youth to play “Pass the Dutchie” on repeat until the midnight hour at the Dairy Lane in Sandersville, Georgia
It might sound something like this.
“Pass The Dutchie” apparently was not about marijuana—instead, it supposedly refers to a cooking pot, as in, “Hey man, pass me that cooking pot but not that other kind of pot”—but it took its inspiration from the Mighty Diamonds’ “Pass the Kouchie,” which is most definitely about marijuana.
Either way, this song is probably a great way to get baked, especially if you’re in need of a hot dog and ice cream cone while in central Georgia.
4) Afroman to play a hardware store in Syracuse, New York
It’d probably be nice to get high to Afroman rapping “Because I Got High.” But unless you picked up a ball-peen hammer at Salt City Hardware on Nottingham Road for protection before the show started, do not attempt to rush the stage.
5) Method Man and Redman to play at the Wendy’s in Milton, West Virginia
Sounds uplifting, but remember this: Whatever you do, don’t eat the Baconator!
6) Willie Nelson to play wherever and whenever he wants
Because the dude is 82 years old, and he can do whatever he damn well pleases.
OK, so maybe none of those events are actually based in reality. But it’s not all bad. Wednesday is still 4/20, and Durst recently made another very exciting announcement.
Smoke ’em if you got ’em, fam.
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