Article Lead Image

‘Girthers’ to Donald Trump: ‘Produce the schlong form girth certificate!’

America demands to see what Donald Trump is working with.


Jay Hathaway

Internet Culture

Thursday night’s GOP debate devolved into an actual dick-measuring contest when frontrunner Donald Trump repudiated also-runner Marco Rubio‘s claim that Trump’s infamously small hands implied a small… something else

“I guarantee you, there is no problem. I guarantee,” Trump claimed.

Immediately, a certain segment of the voting public wanted to know: Where’s the proof? Call them “girthers,” a play on Trump’s support of the birthers who claimed President Barack Obama wasn’t born in the United States.

Considering Trump’s persistent demands that Obama deliver evidence on the “birther” question, surely he’ll understand why the girthers need him to  “PRODUCE THE SCHLONG FORM GIRTH CERTIFICATE.”

These #Girthers are largely joking, taking a great pun and rolling with it to mock The Donald’s hypocrisy. But we also have to accept that there’s a real (if prurient) public curiosity about what Trump is working with. Could it be… yuge?

There’s not much, if anything, on the record about the size of Trump’s “Big Donald,” but past lovers have commented on his sexual prowess. 

As painful as it is to imagine, former Penthouse pet Sandra Taylor recently told Page Six that Trump was good at sex when they hooked up decades ago. 

“Omigosh, he was great!” she gushed. 

And in an infamous New York Post headline 25 years ago, Trump’s ex-wife, Marla Maples, claimed he was the best she’d ever had. In a 2011 Access Hollywood interview, however, she seemed to walked back that description a little bit.

“Did I ever say it? I don’t want to destroy him!” Marla laughed. “Maybe I whispered it somewhere along the way? But not for public domain.”

Neither woman specifically referred to the dimensions of the potential future president’s dong, however, which leaves girthers demanding satisfaction. The Daily Dot has inquired with both former lovers as to the validity of Trump’s penis-related remarks, and we’ll update the story if either weighs in.

Strangely, this isn’t the first time #girthers has taken off as a hashtag. When Trump’s new friend Governor Chris Christie was exploring a run for president circa 2011, a small but vocal “girther” movement on Twitter made jokes about Christie’s ample physique.

And before that, someone suggested that Trump’s blustering birther attacks on Obama might be a form of overcompensation prevalent among middle-aged men. Who could have guessed that this crude, tossed-off joke would accurately predict the state of American presidential politics in 2016?

(Sorry, this embed was not found.)

The circle of dick is complete.

Update 12:38pm CT, March 4: A representative for Marla Maples indicated she was unwilling to go on the record about the dimensions of Trump’s genitalia: “Thanks for your interest in her opinion, but she is not currently taking any interviews or giving any comments. “

Screengrab via Fox News Channel via The Guardian

Share this article

*First Published:

The Daily Dot