Illustration by Max Fleishman

There’s a hot new movement to rename fire ants ‘spicy boys’

Muy caliente.


April Siese

Internet Culture

Published Jun 30, 2016   Updated May 26, 2021, 12:48 pm CDT

Driving our planet into a man-made hellfire has made it difficult for discovery. Sure, there’s the occasional news item of a spider being named after David Bowie or an erudite cave beetle named after Hitler. Rarely is the animal kingdom disrupted, though.

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That’s all about to change once the leader of the free world, his wife, and Mark Zuckerberg receive this petition to rename the fire ant.

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As “pupperg small” notes, we are on the cusp of some real innovation in 2016. Beyblades are on their way to Olympic glory. And now the fire ant is rebranding. Finally.

As of this writing, the petition was a mere 12 supporters away from reaching its 1,500 benchmark, which will automatically turn into a far larger goal, because is a fickle beast. Nonetheless, spicy boys have inspired incredible support from animal advocates, including hardcore band Such Gold.

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In addition to “spicy boys” being the only logical name for such a creature, supporters point to just how fucking woke spicy boys are, signaling an unprecedented advent of progress in the animal kingdom.

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“I believe that it is our responsibility as the younger generation to look after our world for both our futures and the future generations after us. Part of this improvment plan will be making sure our animals are happy and safe. Recently the fire ants have been speaking to me about their discomfort with the name ‘fire ant’ as it gives them disphoria and we should respect their decision to be called ‘Spicy Boys,'” the letter reads.

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“There are 36 genders, furrys and bronys are active members of our community, there is a rising possibility of bay blade becoming an olympic sport, why can we have this but we can’t our spicy boys.”

Listen to the people, Obamas and nerdy guy who founded Facebook. And, most importantly, listen to the fire ants.

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*First Published: Jun 30, 2016, 2:08 pm CDT