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This is definitely NSFW.
This article contains sexually explicit material.
There’s nothing quite like receiving a dick pic, sliding into your DMs when you least expect it. It can be repulsive, oddly flattering, or weirdly creative, depending on the sender and the circumstances. The right dick pic might cure breast cancer, if this Chicago woman’s iconic Craigslist post is to be believed.
If you just can’t resist the urge to send a dick pic—and it’s not unsolicited—make sure you do it right.
The best dick pics on the internet
1) The cute dick pic
Dicks have an unfair stigma of being aggressive and heated, which may apply to some, but they have a soft side, too. Things My Dick Does is a Tumblr created by an anonymous user that features a collection of cute, candid shots of his dick hanging around in the comfort of his home.
The anonymous Tumblr user adds cartoon arms and expressions to his penis, making his dick pretty relatable. Throughout the blog he is seen enjoying a cup of coffee, watching TV, and getting into a few naughty encounters. This little guy is just hanging around, enjoying the best things in life. It’s amazing what a difference the black-and-white treatment makes.
2) Reddit’s LadyBoners Gone Wild
It is no surprise that Reddit has a hefty collection of dick pics. The forum r/ladybonersgw, one focal point in the site’s GoneWild spectrum, is filled with shirtless men ranging from average to almost shockingly aggressive. Some of the dick pics are shameless plugs for the guys to brag about their manhood, and others are just hanging out looking for someone to spend a Sunday morning with.
If you are in a softer mood, the Reddit forum has safe-for-work (SFW) version, LadyBoners: Eye Candy!, which is a gallery of all the hottest men you’ve ever seen.
Depending on what kind of dick pic you are looking for, LadyBoners has it all. Just be aware that when a title says “Tallest guy on the basketball team” it’s not a professional team portrait.
3) Cartoon dick pics
Snapchat‘s drawing feature lets you get creative with your dick pics. John Leafey has been playfully censoring his junk with tributes to your favorite cartoon characters like Spongebob Squarepants and Snoopy. It might warp some of your childhood memories, but it’s hard not to smile at his crude doodles and even more crude puns.
It’s been awhile since he’s posted, but you never know when inspiration will strike.
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4) The model dick pic
If you really want to take a memorable dick pic, you need to make an appointment with photographer Soraya Doolbaz. She realized the many untapped opportunities dicks have and started Dicture Gallery, photographing penises dressed up in costumes fit for their own personal size.
Doolbaz, which is actually a pseudonym that means “plays with dicks” in Farsi, transforms the way dicks are viewed by dressing them up as characters like “Dicki Minaj” and “Napoleon Boner Parte.” These stylish dudes raise the bar for dick pics.
5) The dick pic connoisseur
There are a couple of guides out there on how to send a proper dick pic. But if you’re looking for some feedback, you can try hitting up Sarah-Louise Jordan, who shared this formal letter to a man who sent her a “surprising picture.”
6) The Disney dick pic
We are all adults now, so let’s skip the childhood dream of finding Prince Charming and find out which Disney Prince really packs the most heat. The Jezebel staff carefully imagined what the princes’ dicks would look like, and the internet’s collective childhood was violated in the best way possible.
If it wasn’t obvious from Pocahontas that John Smith is the definition of a man, it’s validated from this accurate dick-piction.
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7) The traveling dick pic
Many buildings across the world are built with the intention of attracting attention for their grand, large appearance. It was just a matter of time before one Instagram user noticed just how much they look like giant dongs.
The Instagram profile Nicnicbuildings4dick travels across the world, posing in just the right angle to make a building look like it is bulging out of his pants. He has more than a thousand followers, but his form is deserving of a lot more. This one at the University of Texas at Austin is a personal favorite.
8) A father-approved dick pic
The internet flocked to leaked images of Justin Bieber skinny-dipping in Hawaii in August 2016, but what made his unintended dick pic truly memorable was the weird approval from his own dad via Twitter.
Fans were quick to notice that Bieber’s father made some awkward comments like “he’s a beaut” towards the size of Bieber’s penis. The cringeworthy tweet has since been deleted, but it will never be forgotten.
9) The fine art dick pic
Back when he was just a long-shot contender for the GOP nomination, Donald Trump was the subject of a mosaic portrait made out of 500 individual dick pics. It’s still quite the sight to behold.
10) The weather map dick pic
In September, Hurricane Hermine hit Florida’s Gulf Coast, leaving almost 200,000 people without power. Besides the natural devastation that comes along with hurricane’s of its type, people couldn’t believe the hurricane looked like an actual penis on the News 4 JAX radar.
Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.