An Apple Event, the only form of corporate pageantry that makes people afraid of spoilers, took place Tuesday at Apple’s new spaceship campus. A new Apple TV streaming box was announced, and so were some new iPhones. As with any major entertainment event, which is what these things have become, some people were just there for the jokes.
here at apple, we've heard your biggest complaint: you're looking for a way to signal that you can spend a thousand dollars on a phone
— lordbeef (@lordbeef) September 12, 2017
the next financial crisis will be fueled by predatory loans for iphones
— spilly (@IAmSpilly) September 12, 2017
One of the most mocked new features was the iPhone X’s facial recognition feature, FaceID, which will unlock your phone by scanning your face. Or at least, it’s supposed to. It took two tries in the demonstration, a fact not lost on the audience.
In honor of Steve Jobs, Craig should have thrown that iPhone at someone when it didn't see his face.
— Brad Ellis (@BradEllis) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/max_read/status/907673685971976192
https://twitter.com/4evrmalone/status/907673821842481154
FaceID is an impressive bit of technology, but some are worried that it’s a creepy, dystopian privacy violation waiting to happen. Apple’s wall of disembodied faces is already becoming something of a depressing meme.
"The teams worked hard to protect your face data." Wow, love to be alive in 2017.
— austin walker (@austin_walker) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/fart/status/907675166355767296
https://twitter.com/Bro_Pair/status/907672755184816128
https://twitter.com/alyssabereznak/status/907673080910303232
This same tech will be used—by someone— to identify protesters, to figure out if you're depressed or manic—and how to monetize that. https://t.co/WuY1oAVfly
— zeynep tufekci (@zeynep) September 12, 2017
100 percent chance the face ID turns out to be racist https://t.co/yTD7G4nr0B
— 'Weird Alex' Pareene (@pareene) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/yumecaty/status/907673584490864640
— Reyner Crosby (@reyner) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/apelad/status/907674003334062080
https://twitter.com/max_read/status/907691371594575872
And then, of course, there’s the “Animojis,” large emoji that have facial expressions on them, thanks to the Apple magic of FaceID. The animoji can “read” messages you send to others. You can represent yourself as a talking chicken or a talking poo, as demonstrated on stage by Apple’s Craig Federighi.
https://twitter.com/nostrich/status/907678917527576576
Poop animoji frowning as it says “I’m sorry for your loss”
— Neven Mrgan (@mrgan) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/bafeldman/status/907677573332824064
Finally, a phone for furries, as Steve Jobs always envisioned. pic.twitter.com/Vtfvx97pPG
— mr. “just joined a new forum” (@Papapishu) September 12, 2017
Tim Cook, two weeks ago: “Who wants to demo Animoji?”
Everyone slides their chair back, except Craig.
Craig: “Oh hell yeah.”
— Rob Rhyne (@rdrhyne@me.dm) (@capttaco) September 12, 2017
eggplant animoji or gtfo
— Jason Sweeney (@sween) September 12, 2017
"hElp me" pic.twitter.com/E2HRXwsaeM
— austin walker (@austin_walker) September 12, 2017
I can't wait to use the talking fox emoji to dump someone by text
— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) September 12, 2017
This is one of the weirdest things about FaceID, but it’s not the worst. As some critics have pointed out, facial recognition could be a big enabler for law enforcement and the surveillance state.
https://twitter.com/benyankee/status/907675596288905217
With FaceID, cops can just point your phone at your face while they have you in handcuffs then look through your phone without a warrant.
— Jerrick White (@BostonJerry) September 12, 2017
Cops could shoot someone who was recording them, then use FaceID to unlock that person's phone and delete the video of them shooting.
— Jerrick White (@BostonJerry) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/_a_y0/status/907682634305867776
This same tech will be used—by someone— to identify protesters, to figure out if you're depressed or manic—and how to monetize that. https://t.co/WuY1oAVfly
— zeynep tufekci (@zeynep) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/dopeitsrome_/status/907680616912707584
Curious about #iPhoneX / #FaceID use in legal situations: police, borders, etc. Easy unlawful search, courtesy of Apple?
— Leigh Rowan (@leighrowan) September 12, 2017
Wonder if there will be legal issues w police compelling people to unlock their phones. With FaceID the whole consent thing becomes murky.
— Ramin (@raminf) September 12, 2017
Something software engineers should've taken from sci-fi is the part where the scientists consider the ethical implications of their work
— a glizzy of earthsea (@ICELEVEL) September 12, 2017
Here’s the thing about criticizing Apple during their vaunted keynotes, though. If you’re putting energy into livetweeting sick burns, Apple’s already won.
it's impossible to dunk on Apple mid-keynote. if you are watching, they already own you
— joanne mcneil (@jomc) September 12, 2017
See you next year.