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Filthy Internet deeply concerned over V-Day campaign.
British grocery store the Co-operative proclaims that it’s “here for you for life.” The Co-op is certainly there for the holidays. The buyer-owned market recently released a timely but puzzling Valentine’s Day ad with the bizarre suggestion to, ahem, try a little eggs in the bedroom.
Food can undoubtedly be romantic and even make you want to have sex (what up, oysters?) and yet the Co-op’s choice of ingredient elicited nothing but clucks of concern. Chef Thomas Eagle was the first to bring the ad to the Internet’s attention.
Some attempted to wax poetic on egg fetishes. It does take all kinds of love to make this world a special place. And besides, there’s already a market saturated with dildos dedicated to falsely inoculating the dildee with an egg-like object via what’s known as an ovipositor. In light of that, egg fetishes are actually pretty believable.
Very few picked up what the Co-op was laying down, though. Or, rather, had laid down in an ad campaign known as “create love at first light.” You can see in this brief video featuring eggs royale set on a wooden tray right in front of a rose and—you guessed it—on top of a bed that “breakfast in bed” is what the Co-op wanted all along.
It took Eagle and the pervy Internet hive mind about a day to come to their senses and realize that breakfast in bed is actually kind of sexy. Or at least sweet. Well, maybe savory.
To those of you trying to turn that whole “eggs in bed” thing on its head, I say: Congratulations! You’ve just introduced the world to a whole new fetish with free-range British eggs that is not only eco-friendly but weirdly more ethical than if factory farm eggs were in play. May your Valentine’s Day be incredible and edible.
Photo via threar/Flickr (CC BY SA 2.0)
A former Weekend Editor at the Daily Dot, April Siese's reporting covers everything from technology and politics to web culture and humor. Her work has been published by Bustle, Uproxx, Death and Taxes, Rolling Stone, the Daily Beast, Thrillist, Atlas Obscura, and others. Siese joined Quartz in December 2016.