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Donald Trump and Kanye West to receive big bag of tiny dicks

Illustration by Max Fleishman

Customers of the prank candy shipper voted for the lucky reciepients online.

Who’s a bigger dick: Donald Trump or Kanye West

According to 15,000 surveyed customers of the Austin, Texas-based company Ship a Bag of Dicks, it’s a tie. The company—which recently celebrated its first anniversary—is offering a buy-one-get-one deal for April Fool’s Day, where customers purchasing the gag gift for a loved one or friend can enter the code TRUMP or KANYE during checkout. Based on the customer’s choice, Ship a Bag of Dicks will then set aside a free bag to send to one of the two domineering personalities, who will receive their penis mother lode all in one shot on April 1. Last year, the company sent over 5,000 bags of tiny dicks to West and Justin Bieber.

So far, customers have paid to send 6,000 bags that each contain 100 candy penises. The company hopes to raise that number to 10,000 bags in order to reach one million candy wangs in time for the big shipment.

To promote the working-class rage driving the contest, Ship a Bag of Dicks posted a JibJab video to YouTube featuring Trump and West singing “You getting mad, I’m getting rich.”

The company’s notoriety was raised in January, when it sent out a promo code via email allowing its customers to send bags of dicks to the Oregon militia that had taken over the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge.

A viral video from January shows militia member and FBI-branded Islamophobe John Ritzheimer freaking out over the bags of dicks and giant rubber dildos that had begun arriving in the mail.

Hopefully, Trump and West will react similarly to the truckload of rainbow-colored male genitalia headed their way tomorrow.

Those interested in participating in the prank don’t have to limit themselves to gummy candy, either: Shipabagofdicks.com also offers participation trophies and Eat a Bag of Dicks coffee mugs. And for fans of variety, there’s the Magnum Bag of Dicks, which features a candy necklace (of dicks), a jumbo dick lollipop, a “cum shot liquid marshmallow candy dick,” and a “big gummy pecker,” in addition to the bag of tiny treats.

Illustration via Max Fleishman | Remix by Fernando Alfonso III

Mary Emily O'Hara

Mary Emily O'Hara

Mary Emily O'Hara is an LGBTQ reporter. Her work has appeared in Rolling Stone, NBC Out, Daily Dot, Broadly, Vice, the Daily Beast, the Advocate, Huffington Post, DNAinfo, Al Jazeera, and Portland's Pulitzer Prize-winning newsweekly Willamette Week, among other outlets.