When Taco Bell announced a breakfast menu in February 2014, it was a ray of fire-saucy sunshine during one of the bleakest winters of New York City history. Soon my fave items—such as Crunchwrap Supremes and Crunchy Tacos—would be transformed into morning options complete with golden hash browns and waffles instead of taco shells. And as if I wasn’t excited enough, Taco Bell miraculously tweeted back at me after months of attempts at getting the fast food chain’s attention on social media.
So when news hit that TBell would be launching the Biscuit Taco this year and handing out free ones for Cinco de Mayo, I knew I had to have the abomination. Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m fully aware that Taco Bell is so whitewashed that it’s hardly Mexican food. But I accept it for what it is—cheap, processed junk food that that’s vaguely reminiscent of the authentic tacos and burritos that I ate growing up, doused in hot sauce.
Taco Bell has employed a pretty aggressive marketing campaign for their breakfast menu, launching a #breakfastdefector movement complete with a short film that pushes the viewer to break away from routine morning foods. The imagery looks particularly similar to a certain clown that has the current monopoly on breakfast fast food.
And I’ve been a big fan of the breakfast menu for the past year. Sure, it’s no breakfast burrito from a hole-in-the-wall Mexican place in my Californian hometown, but Taco Bell’s noms hit a different spot altogether. At its essential core, it’s still fast-food breakfast. Great for long drives, hangovers and greasy morning indulgence.
I even made sure to get some on Cinco de Mayo last year:
Anyway, back to the Biscuit Taco. When I got to work this morning, I had totally blanked on today being Cinco de Mayo. So I made myself some avocado toast like the basic bitch that I often am and finally logged onto Twitter. That’s when I realized that I had already lost precious time on getting the breakfast gimmick into my belly. I rushed to the nearest train station to get up to Union Square from the Financial District.
I hopped on the 4 train. Little did my fancy passengers, wearing their tailored suits and carrying their Prada purses, know that I was on my way to devour something called a Biscuit Taco. I smiled to myself as Ariana Grande’s “Break Free” blasted through my headphones.
Approximately 20 minutes later, I arrived at my destination.
When I finally got to the front of the line, I overheard the manager telling another cashier that they were pretty much out of Biscuit Tacos. My heart dropped with the fear that I was going to miss out by a mere few minutes. Turns out I was in time to order the third-to-last taco, with the woman at the other cash register nabbing the final two. I felt truly #blessed.
But while waiting for my food, I overheard the teen behind me talking to the Taco Bell cashier and receiving the news that she was too late for a Biscuit Taco. She lamented her misfortune, as much as one can over missing out on a Taco Bell menu item, and ordered something else. However, the manager did give her a signed voucher that was redeemable for a free Biscuit Taco once they had more.
After chatting with this youth for a bit and hearing how excited she was over free food, I saw parts of my younger self in her. Open-eyed, willing to haul ass downtown for some free grub. That’s when my altruism kicked in: I offered her half of my taco once it came. She enthusiastically and kindly thanked me. I’m all about youth outreach, I guess.
My Biscuit Taco finally came and I was ready to eat the bad boy (more specifically, half of it).
To be honest, the biscuit was a little too dense. Perhaps in a need to make so many of the breakfast critters for Cinco de Mayo, some of the tender love and care that should go into the most important meal of the day was lacking. But the sausage and egg was bomb, especially with some Fire Taco Bell sauce squirted on top.
Alas, I was still hungry, especially considering I had consumed only half a taco, due to my Samaritan deed of the morning. So I hopped on another train going uptown and headed to the Taco Bell right near Penn Station, where I secured another Biscuit Taco, this time with bacon, and ordered a classic Waffle Taco for the hell of it.
The second time around, the biscuit wasn’t as tough. But the sausage was definitely a lot easier to eat than the bacon, with the bits falling off the taco in a mini meat landslide. Meanwhile, the Waffle Taco was scrumptious, with the waffle outside being the perfect level of salty and sweet.
And it looked like others also celebrated Cinco de Mayo with some Taco Bell breakfast.
Will I return for the Biscuit Taco? Probably not. Will I come back if they’re free again? Yeah, most definitely. Photo by Gabe Bergado