Pick a side.
In a marketing move prompted by a specific subset of caffeine addicts, Coca-Cola is bringing back a ’90s-era soft drink called Surge in parts of the United States. It’s not Josta… but hooray, I guess?
Apparently there’s a small army of Surge-heads out there who have been asking for this since the drink was discontinued back in 2003. Fan-fueled campaigns like Surge Movement and the even more bizarre Surge Love are the beacons that lead the way for the beverage’s ressurection.
Feel free to sit through this entire 15-minute Facebook Live video to get a feel for how passionate these people are about their drink of choice.
So yeah, it seems that some folks are pretty excited about the comeback:
That’s right, get some Surge in those kids! They look way too well-behaved.
There’s been no official response from Mountain Dew, the soda Surge was designed to compete with, nor from its parent company, PepsiCo, although Surge Love (which sounds like a dangerous sex move) did post this picture:
A search for the hashtag #DewNeverLeft currently returns zero results on Twitter. Perhaps it was a rogue Mountain Dew supporter who created the poster in a sugar-induced haze at 3am. If that’s the case, we could be set for fan-fueled soda war that rivals the famous Pepsi vs. Coke conflict of the 1980s. But are we really ready for that kind of carnage again?
We say nay! Stay thy hands, fair beverages! Does not the same high-fructose corn syrup bubble through both of your containers, be they aluminum cans, or plastic bottles? Do you not both inspire middle school boys to be sassier than they already are? Do you not both taste slightly better when spiked with vodka? Look into your chemically citrus-flavored hearts and you will see the truth of these words.
Besides, now is no time to fight amongst yourselves. A monster has invaded your kingdom and threatens to steal away with your precious children:
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