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It’s the end of an era. Tomorrow Spike TV, which branded itself as the “first network for men,” will become the Paramount Network. Although parent company Viacom plans to keep some testosterone-heavy shows like Bellator MMA and Ink Masters, it’ll also be adding newer programs like American Woman, “a comedy starring Alicia Silverstone and Mena Suvari set amid the sexual revolution and rise of feminism of the 1970s.” See also Heathers, “a modern-day re-imagining of the ’80s classic.”
All of which seems to have led the person running Spike’s Twitter account to have a bit of a meltdown.
I was baked when I pitched 1000 Ways to Die. Those episodes are mostly based on my nightmares.— SPIKE (@spike) January 17, 2018
One of my never fail pick up lines is "Hey, do you like cool shit?"... cause everyone likes cool shit. https://t.co/Z6cQQgkuZR— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
We had a show called The Joe Schmo Show. Apparently every decent show name was taken.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
My favorite number is 329 because it’s the number of times COPS is on every night.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
I gave my entire staff empty gift cards as parting gifts because fuck them and their joy.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
I hated all my logos, but this last one looks like a tattoo design from a rejected Ink Master contestant.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
There’s a reason all our early shows were CSI, UFC, TNA, MXC, UTI. No one around here knew how to read.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
As you may have guessed from the light nature of the roasting, and the use of hashtags, it’s a pre-planned network-sanctioned meltdown, not a real-life “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, and fuck you, I’m out!” moment.
That didn’t stop the tweets from racking up a ton of likes and retweets. People seem to be enjoying it regardless of what was going on behind the scenes.
Social media manager came in for the last day of work and ain’t have no chill— Dugar, Michael-Shawn (@MikeDugar) January 17, 2018
Going out like a G! pic.twitter.com/jANLQjug0E— Dontay Evans (@dontay_3) January 17, 2018
Of course, a few people saw through the ruse. Especially after the new Paramount Network account (quite possibly run by the same person) decided to get in on the act.
Which, if nothing else, led to DiGiorno’s Pizza getting in a pretty good burn.
This is the worst delivery we’ve ever seen.— DiGiorno Pizza (@DiGiornoPizza) January 17, 2018
So Spike is gone. Which, considering how men are faring in the media lately, is probably a good marketing move on Viacom’s part. For those of you currently in mourning, the first Lethal Weapon movie is still available on Netflix.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.