U.S. Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, who did not beat Michael Phelps in the 200 meter individual medley, is in hot water for filing a false robbery report with Rio police to cover up his drunken vandalism and fighting.
Lochte on Friday kinda-sorta apologized for the whole thing.
https://twitter.com/RyanLochte/status/766638785140498432
But is it possible that in this lukewarm, boilerplate mea culpa, Lochte was concealing a secret message? Something so shocking that he could not bring himself to confess it directly? Something all but unthinkable?
.@RyanLochte holy shit pic.twitter.com/6o537nmWkq
— DJ Bean (@DJ_Bean) August 19, 2016
There you have it, folks: “I KILLED HARAMBE.” You’ve read The Da Vinci Code; you know the cipher doesn’t lie. Lochte murdered the great ape.
https://twitter.com/Javi386/status/766667162626830337
https://twitter.com/TomUSMC420/status/766644041605931008
@DJ_Bean @RyanLochte pic.twitter.com/cAlTb7lNc7
— Thomas F.X. Sullivan (@IrishHoodlum) August 19, 2016
It’s bad enough that Lochte tarnished his country and the Olympics with gross disrespect toward a host city—but to find out he’s also a gorilla assassin? That’s just too much, man. Please let 2016 be over now.
