Did Ryan Lochte just confess to killing Harambe?

This case just got blown wide open.

Feb 29, 2020, 1:37 am*

Internet Culture

Miles Klee 

Miles Klee

Photo via @Javi386/Twitter

U.S. Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, who did not beat Michael Phelps in the 200 meter individual medley, is in hot water for filing a false robbery report with Rio police to cover up his drunken vandalism and fighting.

Lochte on Friday kinda-sorta apologized for the whole thing.

But is it possible that in this lukewarm, boilerplate mea culpa, Lochte was concealing a secret message? Something so shocking that he could not bring himself to confess it directly? Something all but unthinkable?

There you have it, folks: “I KILLED HARAMBE.” You’ve read The Da Vinci Code; you know the cipher doesn’t lie. Lochte murdered the great ape.

https://twitter.com/TomUSMC420/status/766644041605931008

It’s bad enough that Lochte tarnished his country and the Olympics with gross disrespect toward a host city—but to find out he’s also a gorilla assassin? That’s just too much, man. Please let 2016 be over now.

Share this article
*First Published: Aug 19, 2016, 1:50 pm