This article contains explicit material and may be NSFW.
It’s an age-old question: Have you attempted to put your dick through the bottom of a popcorn bucket during a date? And now we have Reddit to thank for some valuable wisdom and stories regarding said question.
One redditor took to r/AskReddit to hear about people’s experiences with this form of buttery courtship, which likely derives from some of the wackiest “surprise penis” porn out there: You’ve got the cock in a popcorn bucket, cock in a pizza box, cock between hot dog buns, and surely more.
But really, why would anyone want that? You’d think that your manhood would get all oily. Don’t even get me started on what a mess that popcorn might turn into if a handjob is pursued to completion. I’m just not being a prude about some kinky, semi-public, second-rate handjob business—movie concessions are expensive, man!
I digress. Check out some of the best tales of the popcorn tallywacker:
I tried it once with a girl I was in a relationship with for around a year and a half already. It was surprising for her, yeah, but I knew her reaction wouldn’t be too negative. I did it for the story and to cross it off my bucket list. She played with it for a little bit. It wasn’t super buttery or salty, but warm and dry. So yeah, I put it away after like 2 minutes of giggling.
TL;DR it went okay.
You have a list about buckets?
As a teen I attempted this but we both quickly realized folks would think either she’s a super hungry Parkinson’s patient, or a popcorn monster had grabbed hold of her hand and wouldn’t let go. So after a few minutes we stopped. She did lick her fingers though which was kinda hot.
TLDR butter dick
The popcorn monster, bringer of nightmares.
The sex masters of reddit do apparently. I’m sure they are all telling the truth.
Someone’s salty.
But for the most part, the thread just turned out to be a bunch of people discussing if it was worth getting kernels all up in one’s pubes and firing off bad jokes instead of actual stories. We’ll be waiting for the next round of AskReddit regarding the pizza box method.
H/T Metro | Photo via stevensnodgrass/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)