Witness the most cringeworthy rap battle in Twitter history

Two U.K. mobile phone providers have a rhyme contest on Twitter. Everyone loses.

 

Kris Holt

Internet Culture

Published Jul 11, 2013   Updated Jun 1, 2021, 11:35 am CDT

Rap battles can be an intense game. Two people spitting rhymes, each trying to outwit and outsmart the other, slapping their rival down with nought but words.

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It takes a sharp mind and clever turn of phrase to compete in a compelling rap battle. None of that was shown on Twitter between Tesco Mobile and O2.

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The two U.K. mobile phone operators (or at least the people running their Twitter accounts) battled through tweets and it was awful. The rote rhymes, forced attempts at marketing, and plain unfunny tweets made it a battle to forget.

It seems the idea came from another Twitter user.

@o2 and @tescomobile should have a rap battle

— Born (not a) sinner (@UnofficialAk) July 10, 2013

Tesco Mobile quickly hopped in, throwing down the first salvo. 

@UnofficialAk We be sharin’ a wave, but think of the dough you can save, our bants rippin’ up Twitter, making @o2 get bitter #dontchoke

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 10, 2013

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O2 fired back, subtweeting Tesco and throwing shade.

@UnofficialAk Tesco be trippin, making out like they invented banter, soooo 2 years ago.

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 10, 2013

That just stoked the flames as the two sides attempted to spit hot fire, only to cough up feeble puffs of smoke.

@O2 @UnofficialAk whatcha playin’ at, the homie’s asked for a rap, not a random chat. So here’s your chance, show us some substance.

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 10, 2013

@tescomobile @unofficialak Just like our signal you know we have bars, we’ve so much banter got you in stitches without leaving scars ;)

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 11, 2013

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@O2 @unofficialak 12 hours for a comeback, your street cred’s pretty poor. Leave the parring to the pros, or your ego be gettin’ sore.

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

@tescomobile @unofficialak Your rhyme left us sleeping, you’re out of your head, trying to be us you’re dreaming in the land of the zZz’s

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 11, 2013

@O2 We wanted a rap not a nursery rhyme. Ya old news & we’re prime time. Get out of our way, ya holding us back, oh, & your service is Jack.

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

@tescomobile Nursery rhyme? Nah we are schooling you son, you follow our lead cause we know how it’s done!

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 11, 2013

@O2 Teacher knows best? This ain’t true. TM’s more fresh, followers join tha queue. RT’s say it all… Sorry… O2 who?

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

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@tescomobile Teacher knows best, but we are head master! Causing waves on Twitter, you’re just a natural disaster..

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 11, 2013

“We are head master”? Someone please teach Tesco the difference between first-person singular and first-person plural.

@O2 We love that you’re tryin’. It’s pretty cute. Your wave has settled. Go on now, scoot.

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

@tescomobile That rhyme was barking, who wrote it your dad? We are immortal, you’re just a fad! It’s about time you try and #bemoredog

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 11, 2013

Note: Be More Dog is O2’s current marketing campaign. We don’t get it either.

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@O2 We were having a rap battle not an advert campaign. You’ve lowered the tone and ruined the game.

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

@tescomobile Don’t hate the player, hate the game. We smash it like Murray the boy from Dunblane! You’ve been served!

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 11, 2013

Oh goodness, a pop culture reference that actually works within the context of the battle. Well played.

@O2 This Rap battle’s over, you pretend you’ve got game. But you love us, you know it, can’t stop callin’ our name.

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

@tescomobile This battle was over for you at the start, we only humored you by taking our part! You mans eat buffet when we go al-a-carte!

— O2 in the UK (@O2) July 11, 2013

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Look, we’re all for corporate Twitter accounts having a bit of personality: they’re incredibly boring otherwise. This was terrible. At least Tesco had a little self awareness about the whole thing.

@God_IsAGamer our service is better than our rapping #nojoke

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

And thank goodness for that.

By the way, Tesco Mobile is a reseller of O2, so that’s why you didn’t see any low blows.

@Tobinator_ @o2 Their twitter service obvs… Their network signal is too good to insult.

— Tesco Mobile (@tescomobile) July 11, 2013

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Photo via Todesvogel89/YouTube

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*First Published: Jul 11, 2013, 5:47 pm CDT