The noPhone is the gadget you never knew you didn’t need

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We all love fondling our smartphones—too bad they’re so distracting. What if we had an object that occupied idle hands but fulfilled no practical purpose?

Wonder no longer, and say hello the the noPhone, “a technology-free alternative” to constant contact with pocket-sized computers.


“With a thin, light, and completely wireless design,” a helpful website explains, the sleek and sturdy noPhone ensures you’ll always “have a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic to clutch without forgoing any potential engagement with your direct environment.” You can’t make calls, but you also won’t experience the clammy horror of feeling “flesh on flesh when closing your hand.” 


Needless to say, the noPhone—which also happens to be toilet water-resistant—will disrupt the consumer electronics industry in a way most startups could ever hope to. Why? Because the noPhone is more than a hunk of molded matter that does nothing. It’s a way of life.


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Miles Klee

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions,  and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'