27 of the most amazingly bad opening lines from #NaNoWriMo

'The man in black fled across the desert, and Harambe followed.'

Feb 28, 2020, 9:21 pm*

Internet Culture

Miles Klee 

Miles Klee

Photo via Germán Poo-Caamaño/Flickr

It’s Nov. 1, and that can only mean one thing: After shaking off their candy hangovers, thousands of aspiring authors around the world are going to embark upon National Novel Writing Month, or #NaNoWriMo—an internet-organized exercise in which people challenge themselves to finish a complete draft of some book-length fiction between now and Dec. 1.

What many of those authors realize (and just as many don’t) is that writing a novel is pretty hard; even Faulkner typically needed a six-week bender to crank out something like The Sound and the Fury. First drafts are often bad, so even the manuscripts that go on to be published will need lots of revision. Every year, though, Weird Twitter revels in the knowledge that countless shitty, unsalvageable opening lines will be written on this date, and to that end, they are inspired to offer their own. And they rule.

Here are the hilariously bad openers from novels we’d actually read:

https://twitter.com/DougExeter/status/793469650377936896

https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/793463273001742340

https://twitter.com/untitled_demo/status/793505600436965376

https://twitter.com/Mickey_McCauley/status/793504576489914368

https://twitter.com/kerboflatscreen/status/793494217859280899

https://twitter.com/aaronwphillips/status/793492776356835328

https://twitter.com/enveloping/status/793513302215098368

https://twitter.com/IridiumRE/status/793071903363784704

Heartening to know that good literature isn’t dead. Even if it has its critics.

All of the above, Saadia. All of the above.

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*First Published: Nov 1, 2016, 3:33 pm