- Join the Unicorn Moms if you’re sick of being judged by other parents online 2 Years Ago
- Get the Amazon Fire TV Stick for just $15 on Prime Day 2 Years Ago
- Trump tells 4 congresswomen of color to go back to the countries they came from Sunday 4:56 PM
- Fans would like to see Andrea Arnold’s cut of ‘Big Little Lies’ Sunday 3:49 PM
- Disney’s new ‘Star Wars’ series had a budget the size of ‘Game of Thrones” final season Sunday 2:54 PM
- Uh-oh, we’re one step closer to having a robot army Sunday 2:20 PM
- Scarlett Johansson says she should be allowed to ‘play any person, or any tree, or any animal’ Sunday 1:06 PM
- Popular YouTube time traveler reveals true identity Sunday 11:46 AM
- Now that Disney is in charge, streaming service FX+ is on its way out Sunday 10:36 AM
- The Dairy Queen employee who made the viral marijuana cake instead of a ‘Moana’ one was fired Sunday 8:39 AM
- The fallacy of Amazon Prime Day: An argument for ignoring it completely Sunday 7:10 AM
- Will Black Cat ever get her own movie? Sunday 7:00 AM
- Why is QAnon so obsessed with taking down cults? Sunday 6:30 AM
- Inside the technology helping ICE deport immigrants Sunday 6:00 AM
- Your Netflix and porn addictions are contributing to global warming Saturday 5:42 PM
After all these years, Nintendo finally showed us Mario’s nipples
Nintendo released a preview this week of its upcoming Mario game for the Switch console, Super Mario Odyssey. Odyssey brings many revelations about Mario, including that the beloved Italian plumber is no longer a plumber and, more importantly, that his nipples look like this:
In his 35-plus years of existence, Mario has never been seen without a shirt, and people are freaking the heck out at his little pixelated nipples. Tweet after disbelieving tweet asked, “Whoa, Nintendo, what’re you doing?”
not impressed with Mario's nipples tbh, they should be sharper imo— Robert Yang (@radiatoryang) September 13, 2017
Great, now I know what Mario's nipples look like. pic.twitter.com/OnZhmL7hNR— Mark Serrels (@Serrels) September 13, 2017
dadbod Mario: my thinkpiece, coming soon— brian feldman (@bafeldman) September 13, 2017
Everyone's talking about Mario's nipples but the first thing I noticed was the lack of a belly button, indicating he wasn't of woman born. pic.twitter.com/2vHeUqb3bu— Kieran Shiach (@KingImpulse) September 14, 2017
2017: The year we body-shamed Super Mario.
Some, however, felt Nintendo hadn’t gone far enough with topless Mario. They want to see his… uhh… “power-up mushroom.”
[slams fist on table] What about Mario's dick?— Richard Pictures (@doctorveritas) September 13, 2017
Ugh, wake me up when we can see Mario's dick— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) September 13, 2017
Others were more sensible: Wouldn’t it be unusual for Mario, a fictional human being, *not* to have nipples? Maybe this is progress for Nintendo.
dear everyone tweeting about shirtless Mario and his nipples: like, it'd be weird if he DIDN'T have nipples, right?— Samit Sarkar (@SamitSarkar) September 13, 2017
Mario’s nipples are a sign of a more progressive Nintendo. Remember when he used to go to the beach in fucking overalls? What a prude. pic.twitter.com/K1qkrEbjKG— Edmond Tran (@EdmondTran) September 13, 2017
Important questions still remained unanswered. Mario’s nipples are free on Twitter and on the Nintendo Switch, but will they violate Instagram’s infamous anti-nipple policies?
Will mario's nipples get deleted on Instagram— Jamie McKelvie (@McKelvie) September 13, 2017
Furthermore, where are LINK’S nipples? Isn’t the hero of Hyrule human, or at least humanoid?
2017 is the year we learned that canonically Mario has nipples and Link doesn’t pic.twitter.com/cz47qXAtva— Joel Bernstein (@CastIrony) September 13, 2017
mario has nipples and link does not. so what the fuck— Porygon (@PorygonNews) September 13, 2017
Anyway, everything that needs to be said about Mario’s nipples has been said, and we’re all done talking about them.
"marios nipples got ran into the ground within ten minutes and so i'm sick of them" is not a sentence i expected to be true half an hour ago— j a c k s o n (@headfallsoff) September 13, 2017
It was fun while it lasted, though.
Jay Hathaway is a former senior writer who specialized in internet memes and weird online culture. He previously served as the Daily Dot’s news editor, was a staff writer at Gawker, and edited the classic websites Urlesque and Download Squad. His work has also appeared on nymag.com, suicidegirls.com, and the Morning News.