Nintendo released a preview this week of its upcoming Mario game for the Switch console, Super Mario Odyssey. Odyssey brings many revelations about Mario, including that the beloved Italian plumber is no longer a plumber and, more importantly, that his nipples look like this:
Explore the frozen fields of Shiveria in the Snow Kingdom & the sunny shores of Bubblaine in the Seaside Kingdom in #SuperMarioOdyssey! pic.twitter.com/p8AsDqBbTj
— Nintendo of America (@NintendoAmerica) September 13, 2017
In his 35-plus years of existence, Mario has never been seen without a shirt, and people are freaking the heck out at his little pixelated nipples. Tweet after disbelieving tweet asked, “Whoa, Nintendo, what’re you doing?”
https://twitter.com/radiatoryang/status/908103126493941761
Great, now I know what Mario’s nipples look like. pic.twitter.com/OnZhmL7hNR
— Mark Serrels (@Serrels) September 13, 2017
ted pic.twitter.com/ztJeq1PIkl
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) September 13, 2017
https://twitter.com/bafeldman/status/908103689587580929
Everyone’s talking about Mario’s nipples but the first thing I noticed was the lack of a belly button, indicating he wasn’t of woman born. pic.twitter.com/2vHeUqb3bu
— Kieran (@KingImpulse) September 14, 2017
2017: The year we body-shamed Super Mario.
Some, however, felt Nintendo hadn’t gone far enough with topless Mario. They want to see his… uhh… “power-up mushroom.”
[slams fist on table] What about Mario’s dick?
— The Artist Formerly Known As Richard Pictures (@doctorveritas) September 13, 2017
https://twitter.com/bea_ker/status/908103512109719552
Others were more sensible: Wouldn’t it be unusual for Mario, a fictional human being, *not* to have nipples? Maybe this is progress for Nintendo.
dear everyone tweeting about shirtless Mario and his nipples: like, it’d be weird if he DIDN’T have nipples, right?
— Samit Sarkar (@SamitSarkar) September 13, 2017
Mario’s nipples are a sign of a more progressive Nintendo. Remember when he used to go to the beach in fucking overalls? What a prude. pic.twitter.com/K1qkrEbjKG
— Edmond Tran (@EdmondTran) September 13, 2017
Important questions still remained unanswered. Mario’s nipples are free on Twitter and on the Nintendo Switch, but will they violate Instagram’s infamous anti-nipple policies?
https://twitter.com/McKelvie/status/908106466225213440
Furthermore, where are LINK’S nipples? Isn’t the hero of Hyrule human, or at least humanoid?
2017 is the year we learned that canonically Mario has nipples and Link doesn’t pic.twitter.com/cz47qXAtva
— Joel Bernstein (@CastIrony) September 13, 2017
mario has nipples and link does not. so what the fuck
— Porygon (@PorygonNews) September 13, 2017
Anyway, everything that needs to be said about Mario’s nipples has been said, and we’re all done talking about them.
“marios nipples got ran into the ground within ten minutes and so i’m sick of them” is not a sentence i expected to be true half an hour ago
— yuuko from nichijou (@headfallsoff) September 13, 2017
It was fun while it lasted, though.
