Kanye West’s rules for fashion models are absurd—but these are worse

Work as a fashion model is never easy—but serving as the live mannequin for Kanye West‘s clothes is reportedly a whole different pain in the ass. 

Does this Snapchat image currently making the rounds really depict the rules of conduct for Kanye’s models on the runway, or is it just this easy to create a fake document written in the voice of an egomaniacal mogul?

For real, though: Kanye is at such a volatile, hysterical stage of celebrity right now that I’d put the odds of fakery here at 50-50. It’s literally just a Snapchat photo of a piece of paper, and nobody has confirmed its authenticity.

To prove my point, here are some additional “rules” we could easily add:

  • DON’T THINK ABOUT YOUR HAIR OR HANDS
  • WALK LIKE YOU ARE BEING PILOTED BY TINY ROBOTS
  • DETECT GRAVITATIONAL WAVES
  • RESEMBLE A FLOWER MADE OF SILKEN GARBAGE
  • NO ENJOYMENT  
  • HOW ABOUT BLINKING LESS
  • I’M NOT HAPPY IN MY MARRIAGE
  • ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW CHILL BILL NYE IS
  • STOP READING THIS
  • ONE OF YOU WILL BETRAY ME, ANOTHER WILL DENY ME 
  • JET FUEL CAN’T MELT STEEL BEAMS
  • [MAKE UP YOUR OWN RULE HERE AND FOLLOW IT]
  • I WILL REPLACE YOU WITH A TINY HORSE IF I HAVE TO
  • COCAINE IS FINE
  • SANITY IS RELATIVE
  • YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MEMORIZING AT LEAST 4 ~GOOD~ EPISODES OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE
  • YOU ARE ALIVE
  • YOU AREN’T NAKED—THOSE ARE THE CLOTHES

See? Now I’m an iconic, eccentric, power-mad designer. See you in Paris this spring.

Photo via Peter Hutchins/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)  

Miles Klee

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions,  and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'