It’s no secret that everyone fucking loves Jeff Goldblum.
The actor from Jurassic Park and Igby Goes Down brings a level of depth and mysterious sex appeal to any role he plays—even if it makes no sense. Jeff Goldblum just can’t help being Jeff Goldblum, and America loves him for it.
Does it really matter that most paleontologists and high school science teachers don’t exude neurotic sexiness? Or that most MIT graduate students hellbent on saving the world from alien invasions aren’t all disarmingly coy and captivating? Goldblum could play
the Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz and make him crush-worthy. (Note to Jeff Goldblum: Please, never do that.)
Which is why these Jeff Goldblum sneakers from Spreadshoes.com make sense.
Of course there are enough fans of Jeff Goldblum to call for special edition sneakers with his face emblazoned all over them. And of course there are only 9 left as of Sunday at 12:42pm ET! Why wouldn’t there be low-top and high-top versions of the Goldblum sneakers, for both women and men?
Remember, we live in a world where things like this happen:
Goldblum fans have commemorated their hero in countless DeviantArt galleries and fan sites. One overzealous fan even showed up to Goldblum’s house uninvited 50 different times over the course of three months (the actor finally filed a restraining order). There’s even Goldblum Mail, a free web-based e-mail account that I’m going to sign up for as soon as I finish this blog post.
America loves Jeff Goldblum. And no one can blame us.