- Man claims ex-girlfriend killed his dog after he broke up with her 6 Years Ago
- What are BitTorrent downloads and how do they work? Today 12:58 PM
- ICE cuts the cord on real immigrant hotline after being featured in ‘Orange Is the New Black’ Today 10:49 AM
- The 10 best music podcasts for artist interviews and criticism in 2019 Today 10:41 AM
- How a socialist Twitch streamer landed in a feud with Dan Crenshaw Today 10:07 AM
- How to prepare for your fantasy football draft (and season) Today 9:00 AM
- Kit Harington is joining the MCU–and people are guessing which character he will play Today 8:48 AM
- How to live stream Juan Francisco Estrada vs. Dewayne Beamon Today 8:00 AM
- The 5 best free torrent clients you can download in 2019 Today 8:00 AM
- How to stream Saints vs. Jets in NFL preseason action Today 7:49 AM
- How to stream Chiefs vs. 49ers in NFL preseason action Today 7:36 AM
- How to live stream Bellator 225: Mitrione vs. Kharitonov Today 7:30 AM
- Alice Wetterlund draws insight from the last decade in ‘My Mama Is a Human and So Am I’ Today 7:00 AM
- How to stream the Cowboys vs. Texans NFL preseason showdown Today 7:00 AM
- How ‘Stranger Things’ is inspiring new waves of Dungeons and Dragons fans Today 6:00 AM
‘Hell No’: Finally, a horror film that says what we’ve all been yelling
This is what you’ve been yelling at the screen all this time.
Watching your average horror flick is an exercise in suspending disbelief—not just of ghosts and curses and monsters, but of the human victims’ enduring idiocy. If you’ve ever wondered why sexy teens would camp out in a haunted cabin, or “split up” when they’re being stalked by supernatural evil, Hell No is the movie for you.
The satirical trailer, a short directed by YouTube master Joe Nicolosi, co-written with John Freiler, hits every major cliché of the genre and meets them with cold, anticlimactic rationality. Would you go play Ouija in an abandoned mental asylum? Or turn some ghoul loose just because he asked you to? Or watch a tape that was supposed to kill everyone who watched it? Of course not!
Instead, Hell No features a string of “smart characters” making the “good decisions” that keep them out of the path of easily identified harm. Along the way, you’ll see plenty of disappointed villains and lost opportunities for bloodshed. In the feature, we’re given to understand, everyone goes home safe and eats their vitamins before a good night’s rest. Sure, it might not kill at the box office, but no movie this realistic ever would.
Photo via Pixels per Second/YouTube
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'