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Illustration by Max Fleishman

This could be the answer to all our problems.

Determined to keep Hillary Clinton‘s tech woes in the news, Donald Trump on Wednesday morning asked Russia (or anyone else) to release emails from her personal servers. This followed his denial of the country’s involvement in the embarrassing DNC hack ahead of the party convention. 

Say what you will about Nixon—at least he did his own dirty work. Do you really want Uncle Vladimir‘s help, Donald? Because that could backfire. As the old adage goes: If you give Americans a nibble on classified intelligence, they’re gonna want a glass of global surveillance to wash it down. Already, people are pressing Putin and his government to expose Trump as well.

But that’s not going to happen. Besides, if we’re asking Russia for hacking favors, shouldn’t we shoot for the stars? This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance. This is—dare I say it?—the basis of the summer’s hottest political meme.

Forget about Siri. All you need these days is Russia.

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It remains to be seen exactly how many of these requests for unreleased music, forgotten passwords, and personal effects will be honored by the Motherland. But we’re sure they’ll come to our aid—one way or another.

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