Determined to keep Hillary Clinton‘s tech woes in the news, Donald Trump on Wednesday morning asked Russia (or anyone else) to release emails from her personal servers. This followed his denial of the country’s involvement in the embarrassing DNC hack ahead of the party convention.
If Russia or any other country or person has Hillary Clinton's 33,000 illegally deleted emails, perhaps they should share them with the FBI!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 27, 2016
Say what you will about Nixon—at least he did his own dirty work. Do you really want Uncle Vladimir‘s help, Donald? Because that could backfire. As the old adage goes: If you give Americans a nibble on classified intelligence, they’re gonna want a glass of global surveillance to wash it down. Already, people are pressing Putin and his government to expose Trump as well.
But that’s not going to happen. Besides, if we’re asking Russia for hacking favors, shouldn’t we shoot for the stars? This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance. This is—dare I say it?—the basis of the summer’s hottest political meme.
Forget about Siri. All you need these days is Russia.
Hey Russia could you also hack into my ex's instagram? It's private and I want to make sure she's not happier now— freddy (@freddyscott) July 27, 2016
hey russia, while you're at it, i'd love to see all the dating sites my (ex)boyfriend(s) are on, & a soundboard of radiohead @ suffolk downs— rader (@raderette) July 27, 2016
Russia, can you help my FIFA skills— BEHRLE (@jimbehrle) July 27, 2016
Russia, if you're listening, can you get LinkedIn to stop emailing me— Lauren Kirchner (@lkirchner) July 27, 2016
Hey Russia, if you're listening: I accidentally deleted my @BestBuy Reward Zone coupon. Can you please find it for me? K thanks.— jean-luc (@jlb8r) July 27, 2016
Russia, if you're listening, can you get that Wu-Tang Clan album from that weird hedge fund guy? Thanks— caro in the cacti 🌵 (@caro) July 27, 2016
Hey Russia, while you're at it, can you find those "Archie" comics my mom tossed out in 1986?— Marshall York (@Marshall_York) July 27, 2016
Russia, if you're listening, please hack into our student loan records and delete all our debt. kthnxbai— Emilo Blunt (@EmilioEmm) July 27, 2016
Dear Russia,— Oktoberfest Survivor (@A_A_Ron_Rodgers) July 27, 2016
If you're reading this, please help me find my ex's new Netflix password, pretty please.
Russia, if you're listening, do these jorts do anything for me pic.twitter.com/WniRVUTFtT— Jim Gabriel (@flipyourface) July 27, 2016
Russia, if you're listening, I wrote most of The Wire.— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) July 27, 2016
Russia, Area 51 is more important help us out.— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) July 27, 2016
It remains to be seen exactly how many of these requests for unreleased music, forgotten passwords, and personal effects will be honored by the Motherland. But we’re sure they’ll come to our aid—one way or another.
Russia, if you're listening: please send vodka. We all need a drink.— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) July 27, 2016