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Since “the customer is always right” is the service-world motto, restaurant workers are accustomed to endless customizations and specifications. But a long list of requirements that culminates in a very plain burger might be a new standard of picky.
The Cut writer Anna Silman shared a photo on Twitter yesterday of an absurdly lengthy receipt for a single order. Silman explained, “my friend is the chef at an extremely fancy NYC restaurant and this is an order he received today.”
The receipt boasted a full 24 lines required to ensure the burger was plain AF. “This is for a dog,” the receipt said early on, reiterating at the end that the customer wanted “just the plain pattie [sic]—this is for a dog.”
The specifications in between for no salt, no toppings, no bacon, no side salad (what an uncultured pooch) garnered a variety of amused responses from other Twitter users who wanted to know more about the pampered pup’s demands.
does the dog talk to it's owner to make sure the patty isn't salted?— Greg (@supersetgreg) May 27, 2019
Steve, when I checked my blood pressure tonight it was high. Was my burger salted?— Eric David (@ericmdavid) May 27, 2019
I’m assuming any of the extra messages are just automatically put under “type in” but I like to think this is verbatim what the customer dictated and kept telling them like “type in no salt, type in no lettuce”— Hannah Cruickshank (@HannahCruicksha) May 28, 2019
Given that any dog would cheerfully eat half a rotting deer carcass then roll around in it, this seems a bit fussy.— Brendan A. Niemira (@Niemira) May 28, 2019
Wait- is the dog by themselves? Only one guest listed.— @DCHomos (@DCHomosIntern) May 28, 2019
Waiter: *brings out a full on hamburger*— Taco Tuesday Everyday マイケ (@MiiikeyD) May 27, 2019
“LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANGER” in *woof*
But some folks weren’t remotely surprised by the idea of someone bringing their furry friend along for lunch and requesting a special order just for them.
I worked at a place in Silver Lake (Los Angeles) and we had a Dog Menu. No joke. Part of my life was warming a burger 10 seconds on both sides and tossing with plain rice in a bowl.— SuperJude™ (@xXSuperJudeXx) May 27, 2019
"I'm a dog Chef" I'd think to myself. This world...
I was at The Cliffs in Laguna Beach this weekend and they had a full menu for dogs. Now I see how much typing that must spare the servers.— Paprikapink (@PaprikaPink) May 27, 2019
Friend of mine takes his dog to Arby’s once a week for whatever the hell it is they serve. Never gets anything for himself, just a pile of meat for his dog. They go to the park, dog eats, they play frisbee.— Memetic War Conscientious Objector (@human52753) May 28, 2019
I want to be reincarnated as a dog.
Others even shared their own stories of picking up a doggy bag now and then.
Doesn’t everyone take their pups through the drive through? Or to Dunkin Donuts for plain munchkins?— DMKoman (@TSBsLTR) May 28, 2019
And there’s always that one guy who just says what we’re all thinking.
They really should've specified if it was for a dog— Tom Schroeder (@TomASchroeder) May 28, 2019
It may have taken a lot of typing and double checking and absolutely confirming that this was a special meal for a dog, but we hope the little fella enjoyed his (or her) meal after all that.
And hopefully, the owner left a great tip at the end—and an even better Yelp review.
Yelp Review - “Woof”— Peter Saumur (@Stitched) May 28, 2019
Rachel Kiley is a writer who sometimes writes things and sometimes is based in L.A., but is definitely always on Twitter @rachelkiley.