They’ll be lost without this document.
Over the years, Coachella has transformed from an eclectic music festival into a hot mess of anyone who thinks they’re anyone and wants some killer Instagram content—or just a ferris wheel ride. And festival-goers on both ends of the spectrum unapologetically try too hard with their outfits. These bros who wore just cargo shorts and their camping gear in 2007 probably wouldn’t even get past the entry gate at the Coachella of today.
This year, no discussion of overwrought Coachella wardrobes is complete without this: Artist Yung Jake stumbled upon a lost document whose owner clearly needed it. Nope, it’s not a photo I.D. or their little brother’s Adderall prescription, but an outfit itinerary. How could they be so careless! How will they ever remember what to wear for which event?!
The clothes schedule really illustrates just how materialistic the festival has become for many:
Now, let’s give credit where credit’s due. This itinerary is pretty damn detailed. I’ve seen Type-A matriarchs’ vacation agendas with this level of structure, but without this level of thirst for attention. Seriously, how did this dude even pack all these clothes? And the fact that there’s so much attention paid to the brands adds another layer asshole-ry. OK, hot stuff, glad to see you’ll be rocking those Givenchy shoes on Saturday.
As one Twitter user writes, the list is a “TRUE CULTURAL ARTIFACT.” If aliens ever come to Earth and see this, they’ll be truly amazed by Coachella-goers’ attachment to material goods and appearances. At least this fashionista didn’t have their cultural appropriation outfits scheduled.
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