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Dang, Caillou is a giant.
Most people are probably familiar with Caillou–the Canadian animated children’s series about a four-year-old boy. The character tends to be universally reviled for being a “whiny bitch” who throws frequent temper tantrums and has a stunning lack of consequences for his poor behavior.
So taking all of that into consideration, the internet has turned up yet another reason to distrust and abhor Caillou.
Early Saturday morning, Twitter user Natalie Ziesmer went down the Caillou rabbit hole–and she was perturbed by what she discovered.
“Him: She’s probably texting another guy rn,” Ziesmer tweeted, along with a screenshot of a hilarious Google search. “Me @ 12am not being able to fall asleep and bored with literally no one to text whatsoever.”
Him: She’s probably texting another guy rn— Natalie Ziesmer (@NatalieZiesmer) June 15, 2019
Me @ 12am not being able to fall asleep and bored with literally no one to text whatsoever: pic.twitter.com/ImIw1m9Bzl
As it turns out, Caillou is actually a baby giant.
“Why is he 5’11 though wth … Blood Type “B+” y’all.” Ziesmer wrote. “If my man ain’t as tall as Caillou, I don’t want him.”
Blood Type “B+” y’all 😭— Natalie Ziesmer (@NatalieZiesmer) June 15, 2019
But seriously, why is Caillou 5 feet 11 inches tall? And 171 pounds? What is in the water in wherever the fresh hell it is in Canada that Caillou lives?
If you find yourself shocked and horrified by this game-changing Caillou revelation, know that you are not alone. As soon as Ziesmer’s tweet went viral, others had plenty to say.
He did say “I’m just a kid who’s four? each day I grow some more” 🤷🏽♂️— Ca$haNova (@dboi_dope) June 16, 2019
Are they giants?!?!?! pic.twitter.com/IYGVvMS9VP— ❤Vampiress❤ (@Bombshell_Hana) June 16, 2019
HOW TALL ARE HIS PARENTS?!! OR EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS SHOW?!! HAS THIS SHOW BEEN ABOUT GIANTS LIVING IN SUBURBIA THIS WHOLE TIME?!— A Hat (@Hatationix) June 15, 2019
Why is he so tall, heavy and whY DOES HE HAVE A BLOOD TYPE 😭— Nils Kuiper Verberne (@Lithunium_Snow) June 15, 2019
“Caillou is 5’11 and 171 pounds"— 𝒽𝓊𝓈𝒷𝒶𝓃𝒹❁ 𝓅𝒾𝓁𝓁❁𝓌 (@MidDogCrisis) June 16, 2019
"Caillou is 4 years old" pic.twitter.com/h7UsUlur4B
I looked it up and he‘s even bigger now wtf lol pic.twitter.com/wgXGBdWNmg— Coksi🌱 (@coksidraws) June 16, 2019
Some are feeling sudden regret for their past mistreatment of Caillou.
Now that I know caillou is 5'11, I'm taking back all those bald headed biscuit head jokes I made about him. He can literally stomp my ass. pic.twitter.com/LRHTfvbgaX— Kyanite (@Kyanite69) June 16, 2019
The people who made fun of caillou for being bald after finding out he’s 5’11 and is coming to beat their ass pic.twitter.com/EJbR2ETPjm— Mr.Prushkea 💵 (@leroidelor86) June 16, 2019
There was also the requisite for basketball jokes.
Lakers should’ve traded for Caillou instead of Anthony Davis pic.twitter.com/oQKJpPuUbM— Hector Diaz (@iamHectorDiaz) June 16, 2019
The surprise free agent for the NBA this summer is Caillou pic.twitter.com/tLXGr4mUus— IGZ (@igzrap) June 16, 2019
Caillou shooting up the Cavs draft board. pic.twitter.com/mRrufKvSVa— McNeil (@Reflog_18) June 16, 2019
Caillou was a whole 5'11 at age 4, went from not knowing how to dribble to throwing a perfect two handed bounce pass in under 10 seconds and his parents had him going on random adventures instead of hooping??? pic.twitter.com/tfXjHk9MWG— Jalen | Where's PND?? (@JalenP_) June 16, 2019
In all honesty, however, people should take into consideration that search results are powered by a Wiki entry–meaning that Caillou’s sudden growth spurt may very well be the work of an internet trickster, as another Twitter user pointed out.
Noticed Caillou was trending because he's 5'11 apparently?— WolfyGrace (@wolfofcraziness) June 16, 2019
Put my own research in and considering this is the wiki that information comes from, it's to be taken with a grain of salt https://t.co/ryEHbOKiDO
However that isn't to say reading it wasn't entertaining. It entirely was.
In other words, no, Caillou isn’t going to hunt you down and curb stomp you for making fun of him. Well, probably not.
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Stacey Ritzen is a reporter and editor based in West Philadelphia with over 10 years' experience covering pop culture, web culture, entertainment, and news. You can follow her on Twitter @staceyritzen.