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From the fast-food makers who brought us the black bun (and the green poop result a short time later) and the attempted but ultimately 86’d Whopper/Big Mac mashup comes something that will burn your tastebuds and (probably) shoot fire from your backside.
On Tuesday, Burger King announced it would release the Angry Whopper. Embrace the heat in this movie-style trailer.
Before we get too excited, let’s remember this: The trailer says the burger will be released March 31, a scant 24 hours before April Fools’ Day.
But if it is real—remember, Burger King has been switching it up lately with the black bun and the newly-released grilled hot dogs, and as Ad Age points out, a version of the Angry Whopper was released in 2009—the red-bunned Whopper also features jalapeño peppers, “flaming” onion petals, bacon, American cheese, and “angry sauce.”
So, assuming this isn’t fake, here’s the big question: What color will your poop be after you eat this? I did some back-of-the-envelope calculations, and here are the odds I concocted.
Red (2-1 odds): Because this bun is likely to make your intestines and colon bleed.
Green (4-1 odds): Why not a little déjà vu?
Normal hue (1-1 odds): Either way, this is going to hurt as much coming out as it did going in.
Update 2:55pm CT, March 29: Looks like this is really happening. We’ll report back after we eat (and expel) this thing.
Josh Katzowitz is a staff writer at the Daily Dot specializing in YouTube and boxing. His work has appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and Los Angeles Times. A longtime sports writer, he's covered the NFL for CBSSports.com and boxing for Forbes. His work has been noted twice in the Best American Sports Writing book series.