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A new variation on the find “X” in a crowd meme—where you shout something the person you’re looking for would find offensive and need to correct—is sweeping Twitter. Similar to the shave and a haircut bit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the meme format involves a person hiding under the bed from an armed robber. The robber says something that the person can’t help but respond to.
‘Armed Robber’ memes
The meme seems to have started in late August, with this tweet by user @Real_jeaflex.
Me* hiding under the bed*— Your Uncle From Kaduna (@Real_jaeflex) August 26, 2019
Armed Robber: Brown Skin Girl
Me: YOUR SKIN JUST LIKE PEARLLLLLLLL!!!
Quite a lot of the ones that came next also feature song lyrics, often from songs with particular resonance for age or cultural groups.
Me, aging femme planning her commune hiding under the bed:— Mx. Amadi (@amaditalks) September 1, 2019
Armed robber: Thank you for being a friend
Me: TRAVELED DOWN A ROAD AND BACK AGAIN well damn https://t.co/MHmbk0987S
me: Philadelphian, hiding under the bed— marvin strapp (@dopegirlfresh) August 31, 2019
armed robber: ::plays “flipside”::
me: QUE TU QUIERE MUJERE SHE SAY SHE BLOW LA LA https://t.co/hBkyJBEdB6
Me, an aging homosexual hiding under the bed:— Daniel Summers (@WFKARS) September 2, 2019
Armed robber: Come on girls, do you believe in love?
Me: CAUSE I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT https://t.co/icW47J6yKi
People are also sharing their professional pet peeves.
Me, a journalist, hiding under the bed:— Oliver Sachgau (@sachgau) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: Can’t believe the Amazon is burning and the MSM is completely ignoring it.
Me: WHERE DID YOU HEAR ABOUT IT THEN???
Any chemist hiding under the bed:— Melissa Vaught (@biochembelle) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: ...
Armed robber: ....
Armed robber: I wonder if this lotion is chemical free.
Chemist: OMG NO. EVERYTHING IS CHEMICALS! https://t.co/joyJB8IFkx
Me, a nutritionist, hiding under the bed:— y (@alaskakik) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: I don't eat carbs, I hate cholesterol, I only eat what's organic. I felt healthy
Me: NO THAT’S NOT THE WAY YOU DO IT https://t.co/Rj3UAPwpz7
Including Dr. Jen Gunter, the internet’s favorite gynaecologist (don’t read the follow-up comments, people are gross).
Me: a gynecologist hiding under the bed— Jennifer Gunter (@DrJenGunter) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: The preborn..
Me: IT’S A GODDAMN FETUS https://t.co/oU8qI48QOO
Grammar came up a lot, because if there’s one thing people like to be persnickety about on the internet, it’s grammar.
Me, an English prof hiding under the bed:— Sarah Rothschild (@SarahRothschil5) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: me and my gun are going to kill you...
Me: It’s “my gun and I,” for fuck’s sake!
@DanSlott made one for you, hope you have a good laugh this morning.— Josh Saleh (@JoshDSaleh) September 3, 2019
Dan hiding under the bed
Armed robber: I Love SpiderMan
Me: You forgot the Hyphen!
Armed Robber: AHA!
And naturally, Fandom Twitter got in on it.
Me, an MCU Loki stan hiding under the bed:— DanyK (@danniK80) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: Loki is a villain & an evil person.
Me: NO, HE'S NOT. HE'S JUST MISUNDER.... Oh shit. https://t.co/XZssW2NHTq
Me (a child of the 80s and 90s) *hiding under the bed*— Pumpkin Spice Matté (@mattamat1cs) September 3, 2019
Armed Robber: Where in the world...
Me: IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?! https://t.co/pXOUlZF8wW
Me, hiding under the bed:— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: Valjean, at last, we see each other plain
me: *sweats profusely*
armed robber: Monsieur Le Maire, you’ll wear a different chain
Me: BEFORE YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD JAVERT
Then there were the more personal ones.
Me, a criminal defense lawyer hiding under the bed:— Criminelle Law (@CriminelleLaw) September 3, 2019
*sirens and blue lights*
Armed robber: oh sh*t the cops are here!
Me: *slides business card out from under dust ruffle* don’t give evidence against yourself fam https://t.co/auyODEIqUA
Me: A fragrance addict hiding under the bed:— THE CANDY PERFUME BOY (@candyperfumeb0y) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: *spritzes one of my 18 bottles of ANGEL*
Me: DON’T WASTE THE PRECIOUS! https://t.co/9kYQ0ofwXC
Some of which are pretty relatable, even if you’re not a skin bitch or cat person.
Me: a skin bitch hiding under the bed— Caroline Hirons (@CarolineHirons) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: LOOK AT ALL THESE CLEANSERS!
Me: DON’T TOUCH MY F’ING TATA SHIT https://t.co/ZnbZrw73jx
Me, a cat owner, hiding under the bed:— Elle Maruska (they/them) (@ellle_em) September 3, 2019
Armed robber: [makes cat horking noises]
Me: NO NOT ON THE RUG ah crap https://t.co/Yzs5oifUN5
Plus a quick jab at internet reply guys.
Me, an armed robber, to a man hiding under the bed:— Cynthia McCabe (@crkmccabe) September 3, 2019
Man under the bed: ...
Man under the bed: ...
Me: I like college football
Man under the bed: OH YEAH THEN NAME EVERY PLAYER WHO WON THE HEISMAN FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS https://t.co/gZMkdgj02j
There’s still time to get on this yourself so go ahead and tweet what would get you out from under the bed.
Siobhan Ball is a historian, archivist, and journalist. She also writes for Autostraddle and bi.org