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13 reasons Donald Trump must never dab

Our country can't afford this.


Peter Bd

Internet Culture

Posted on Mar 4, 2016   Updated on May 27, 2021, 3:25 am CDT

Ever sit back and imagine what it’ll be like when Donald Trump is our president? Tons of people don’t want him to be because a) he has no political experience and b) no president has never had hair like that. But there’s something Trump could do that we’d consider far more disastrous: 

Hit the dab

Here’s what will occur if this most shameful act ever comes to fruition.

1) Cam Newton won’t have a signature move next season

2) Vine will be less fun

3) Christians will become atheists

4) Beyoncé will retire

5) 65 percent of humans will have suicidal thoughts that they are unable to control

6) Gas prices will go up

7) Aliens, who considered being nice to us prior to Donald Trump dabbing, will definitely not be nice to us once Donald Trump dabs

8) Your mom will cry, which will make you cry

9) North Korea will bomb us

10) Earth will stop rotating

11) Martin Shkreli will be able to say, “Hey, at least I never dabbed,” and you’ll have to agree with him

12) God will retire

13) Dabbing will be dead for all of eternity

Illustration via Max Fleishman

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*First Published: Mar 4, 2016, 11:00 am CST