- How much money do you need to book Beyoncé for your wedding? Monday 8:00 PM
- Twitter is stoked about Netflix’s Fyre Fest documentary Monday 7:37 PM
- Jacquees launches Twitter debate after calling himself ‘King of R&B’ Monday 6:52 PM
- Watch a British politician steal a ceremonial mace to halt Brexit proceedings Monday 6:07 PM
- Dog waits for weeks by his family’s burned house after California wildfire Monday 5:45 PM
- Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes suspended from YouTube Monday 3:46 PM
- The best sex toys for couples to heat up the holidays Monday 3:35 PM
- Chrissy Teigen shares tattoo her dad got of her face for her birthday Monday 3:31 PM
- Kavanaugh votes against hearing Planned Parenthood defunding case Monday 3:14 PM
- YouTube’s 2018 Rewind video is one of the most-hated videos of all time Monday 12:37 PM
- Roger the buff kangaroo has died at the age of 12 Monday 12:34 PM
- Elon Musk says no one is censoring his tweets Monday 12:22 PM
- Netflix drops trailer for heist movie starring Ben Affleck and Oscar Isaac Monday 12:18 PM
- Offset tweeted about missing Cardi B—and the internet isn’t having it Monday 12:17 PM
- Why this wild Trump resignation conspiracy theory really makes a lot of sense Monday 12:14 PM
If you could go ahead and buy all this stuff, that’d be great.
Recently, the Internet exploded over a blue prize ribbon that read, “I survived another meeting that should have been an email.” The Will Bryant Studio product was a potent reminder that during any given weekday, most Internet readers are browsing the web while terminally bored at work. Circumventing company filters that block Facebook and Reddit, we all try to battle the tedium of cubicle life via this window to the outside world.
Fortunately, we found several other office-space goodies that will nicely complement—and perhaps even outshine—the Will Bryant ribbon. And no, we’re not talking about red Swingline staplers.
1) The Build-On Brick Mug
No longer is a coffee mug some boring ceramic souvenir bought for you by someone better-traveled than you but completely lacking in gift-giving creativity. Pass the hours by sipping your morning brew while dissecting and re-assembling ThinkGeek’s “Build-On Brick Mug,” which is in no way trying to resemble any trademarked childhood toy.
2) The Infectious Disease Stress Ball
We get it: pushing numbers and information from one database to another—sometimes in entirely different orders—is extremely exhausting, on par with construction work or the presidency. Help reduce (or at least delay) your office tantrums with ThinkGeek’s Infectious Disease Stress Ball, whose smash-induced germ appearance reminds you that something will permanently excuse you from going to work someday.
3) “Cubicle Sweet Cubicle” Needlepoint
You spend most of your waking hours at your bland desk, so you may as well spice it up. Etsy shop TheFunnyStitch has the perfect decoration: a “Cubicle Sweet Cubicle” needlepoint. Who needs that corner office anyway?
4) The Executive Decision Maker
Executives know how tough it is to always be making big choices. This is why the top brass typically hires outside agencies to do it for them and either a) lay you off or b) give you a wholly unwarranted salary increase. While you await the installation of these agencies, however, you can rely on the Executive Decision Maker to do all of your thinking for you!
5) Medieval Weapon Push Pins
Why simply attach a memo to your cubicle wall when you can BATTLE AXE THY NOTE TO THY CASTLE WALL? Let out a guttural bellow as you show that memorandum who is the true warrior with Nerd Temple’s array of medieval weapon-themed push pins.
6) Skypanel Light Diffusers
With the items offered by usaskypanels.com, you can turn your dreary—and, yes, harmful—fluorescent lights into beautiful outdoor scenery. Imagine that you’re sitting beneath crystal blue skies that overlook the ocean or a peaceful nightfall as you fritter away at your meaningless tasks.
7) The Aquarium Desk Organizer
With the USB-powered desktop aquarium, you and your colleagues won’t be the only life forms trapped in a tiny space surrounded by office supplies with little chance of escape. Sure, the aquarium is a tad pricier—and much wetter—than most pencil holders and file organizers on the market. But its ability to break the monotony of office life is well worth the expense.
8) The WTF Pad
More often than not, most memos—and often the handwriting on them—leaves you thinking “WTF?!” So why not get a jump-start on your typical reaction with All Posters’ line of WTF memo pads?
9) The Superman Stapler
It’s a pen! It’s a pair of scissors! No, it’s a SUPER stapler! With the Superman Stapler, you can confidently fasten documents with small bolts of steel that tear through many sheets of paper in a single bind.
10) The Suds Nameplate
Work drives you and pretty much everyone else to drink, right? So make it official! With Zazzle’s Suds nameplate, you can let everyone in the office know who the real designated drinker is—and make layoff time easy on the HR department.
Mike Fenn is a former contributor to the Daily Dot whose beats included Reddit, YouTube, and all things WTF. His work has also appeared in Forbes and News.com.au.