- Guy who said he stole drugs from MS-13 now says viral story is fake 4 Years Ago
- Financial service company left 885 million private records exposed online Today 3:13 PM
- Sasha Obama went to prom and Twitter is delighted with the photos Today 2:22 PM
- Jon Voight says Trump is the greatest president since Lincoln in Twitter videos Today 1:31 PM
- #DeleteFacebook gains momentum after the platform refused to remove doctored Nancy Pelosi videos Today 11:58 AM
- ‘Game of Thrones’ failed women—and it’s a shame on its legacy Today 7:40 AM
- How to use Tor, the network that lets you browse the web anonymously Today 7:30 AM
- How to live stream Devin Haney vs. Antonio Moran on DAZN Today 7:00 AM
- Trump’s transphobic policies are disgusting—but they aren’t new Today 6:30 AM
- How to watch the Copa del Rey Final online for free Today 5:45 AM
- How to watch the DFB-Pokal final for free Today 5:30 AM
- Curvy Wife Guy drops music video for rap song ‘Chubby Sexy’ Friday 7:33 PM
- A ‘Black Mirror’-inspired miniseries is coming to YouTube via Netflix Latin America Friday 5:56 PM
- Kanye West appears on David Letterman’s Netflix show to talk Trump, TMZ, and Drake Friday 3:27 PM
- QAnon believers link small-town arrest to deep state conspiracy without evidence Friday 1:58 PM
If you could go ahead and buy all this stuff, that’d be great.
Recently, the Internet exploded over a blue prize ribbon that read, “I survived another meeting that should have been an email.” The Will Bryant Studio product was a potent reminder that during any given weekday, most Internet readers are browsing the web while terminally bored at work. Circumventing company filters that block Facebook and Reddit, we all try to battle the tedium of cubicle life via this window to the outside world.
Fortunately, we found several other office-space goodies that will nicely complement—and perhaps even outshine—the Will Bryant ribbon. And no, we’re not talking about red Swingline staplers.
1) The Build-On Brick Mug
No longer is a coffee mug some boring ceramic souvenir bought for you by someone better-traveled than you but completely lacking in gift-giving creativity. Pass the hours by sipping your morning brew while dissecting and re-assembling ThinkGeek’s “Build-On Brick Mug,” which is in no way trying to resemble any trademarked childhood toy.
2) The Infectious Disease Stress Ball
We get it: pushing numbers and information from one database to another—sometimes in entirely different orders—is extremely exhausting, on par with construction work or the presidency. Help reduce (or at least delay) your office tantrums with ThinkGeek’s Infectious Disease Stress Ball, whose smash-induced germ appearance reminds you that something will permanently excuse you from going to work someday.
3) “Cubicle Sweet Cubicle” Needlepoint
You spend most of your waking hours at your bland desk, so you may as well spice it up. Etsy shop TheFunnyStitch has the perfect decoration: a “Cubicle Sweet Cubicle” needlepoint. Who needs that corner office anyway?
4) The Executive Decision Maker
Executives know how tough it is to always be making big choices. This is why the top brass typically hires outside agencies to do it for them and either a) lay you off or b) give you a wholly unwarranted salary increase. While you await the installation of these agencies, however, you can rely on the Executive Decision Maker to do all of your thinking for you!
5) Medieval Weapon Push Pins
Why simply attach a memo to your cubicle wall when you can BATTLE AXE THY NOTE TO THY CASTLE WALL? Let out a guttural bellow as you show that memorandum who is the true warrior with Nerd Temple’s array of medieval weapon-themed push pins.
6) Skypanel Light Diffusers
With the items offered by usaskypanels.com, you can turn your dreary—and, yes, harmful—fluorescent lights into beautiful outdoor scenery. Imagine that you’re sitting beneath crystal blue skies that overlook the ocean or a peaceful nightfall as you fritter away at your meaningless tasks.
7) The Aquarium Desk Organizer
With the USB-powered desktop aquarium, you and your colleagues won’t be the only life forms trapped in a tiny space surrounded by office supplies with little chance of escape. Sure, the aquarium is a tad pricier—and much wetter—than most pencil holders and file organizers on the market. But its ability to break the monotony of office life is well worth the expense.
8) The WTF Pad
More often than not, most memos—and often the handwriting on them—leaves you thinking “WTF?!” So why not get a jump-start on your typical reaction with All Posters’ line of WTF memo pads?
9) The Superman Stapler
It’s a pen! It’s a pair of scissors! No, it’s a SUPER stapler! With the Superman Stapler, you can confidently fasten documents with small bolts of steel that tear through many sheets of paper in a single bind.
10) The Suds Nameplate
Work drives you and pretty much everyone else to drink, right? So make it official! With Zazzle’s Suds nameplate, you can let everyone in the office know who the real designated drinker is—and make layoff time easy on the HR department.
Mike Fenn is a former contributor to the Daily Dot whose beats included Reddit, YouTube, and all things WTF. His work has also appeared in Forbes and News.com.au.