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There’s this eternal dance that we do with Whole Foods, which continues to put forward some of the most ridiculous, bougie-ass shit intended for human consumption, only to have us shame it for being pretty darn idiotic. There was the asparagus water. Then there were the peeled oranges.
And now the overpriced grocery store chain is selling bags of apricot kernels as a superfood. The catch: Too many of them can kill you.
Organic, check. Raw, check. Vegan, check. Possible cyanide poisoning, check! The apricot kernels are supplied by Sunfood and packed into resealable bags, so you can take the toxins on the go! Tumblr user hojolove posted a picture of the bag, along with its backside that reads:
WARNING: Sweet apricot kernels contain amygdalin (Vitamin B17) which can cause symptoms of cyanide poisoning when eaten in excess.
DO NOT EAT MORE THAN 8 SEEDS PER DAY.
See a doctor immediately if you experience symptoms like nausea, fever, headache, or low blood pressure.
Do not eat if you are pregnant or nursing.
Some possible cyanide poisoning if you eat too many—super!
Of course, the Science Side of Tumblr has chimed in with their explanations. Earlpostsaboutwhatever totally unpacks all the pseudo-health involved in the marketing of these fruit pits, pointing out the contradicting statements on the bag and the fact that amygdalin is actually a poison that typically goes under the misnomer of being a vitamin. Their TL;DR is “Apricots are the devil’s nutsack, please don’t eat his testicles.”
Meanwhile, some other Tumblr users have cooked up some diabolical possibilities, suggesting the apricot kernels might be the perfect way to get away with murder. Like, oh, that person just ate all the kernels of their own volition because they came in a health-conscious package.
We’re seriously hitting peak Whole Foods. Couldn’t they just stick with selling overpriced fancy cheeses instead of tiny cyanide bombs? I guess crunchy people will eat anything the store puts on their shelves.
Gabe Bergado is a Daily Dot alumnus who covered dank memes, teens, and the weirdest corners of the Internet. One time, Ted Cruz supporters turned him into a meme—or at least tried to. In 2017, he started reporting for Teen Vogue's entertainment section.