Bleach over everything.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they come across something that is hard for them to comprehend. When a person is inevitably presented with this thing, they do their best to make sense of it, but no matter how hard they try, nothing can alleviate the confusion they feel.
An example of one such unfortunate episode:
This is just one out of billions of instances of white people doing things that make zero sense. The month of May 2016 has already seen about 700,000 “why is that person doing that?” moments, and it’s not even the 19th yet. Unfortunately, we can’t post them all here, so we gathered only those that exude peak caucasity.
This was completely unfortunate and also extremely white. How could one think that a wild animal was so cold that they needed to lounge in the backseat of an SUV? Did they think the calf was no different from a housepet? How many white people did it take to get the poor calf into the car? So many questions.
A sorority girl got super wasted, wandered away from her wasted friends, and decided to climb a tree—only to get stuck in it and scream “my parents are gonna fucking kill me” over and over. That is the only possible way this scenario could have played out.
This is the first known recording of a group of young white men doing the Macarena to a rap song. No one asked for this or expected it to ever come to fruition—but here we are. If you have a therapist, now would be the time to pick up the phone and ask for some support.
Apparently, this woman grabbed a tiny shark by its tail, which is why this happened. Thank you, shark. Thank you for not letting another white person think they could bro down with a shark without walking away unscathed. Thank you for refusing to unlatch your teeth from her, even though your own life was in jeopardy. Thank you for being the patron saint of “not today, white girl.” You did not die in vain.
Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.